Written by: Carla Barber, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When it comes to self-discovery, there is no one-size-fits-all solution that will set the ball rolling and produce consistent results. We’re all diverse in our own ways with our own beliefs, perspectives, and feelings. All three of these have the potential to prevent us from achieving what we really want.
How?
What we accept as true is what we believe. For example, if we approach this article with the belief that we already know everything there is to know about ourselves and that there is nothing new to learn, we will not apply the strategies provided and will not get anything from it. If, on the other hand, we believe we are deserving of this time commitment, we will take the steps necessary to learn more and grow.
Our attitudes are shaped by our perspectives. We can absorb and try out new knowledge for ourselves when we are more open-minded and see how it feels and fits. When we’re more closed-minded, we avoid evolution and facing our challenges.
Finally, our feelings are a blend of the above. The difference is identified by our approach. It's normal if you're experiencing some nervousness or reluctance right now. To find out why it's there, I invite you to check in with yourself. This can appear as a lack of interest in reading this… yet you clicked and are now reading, so there must be a reason you're here. Recognize it, take a big breath, and release it.
So let’s get into this!
These 3 practices are designed to push you and open your eyes. Try each one at least 3 times before dismissing it, and keep a journal of how each one sits with you (my suggestions for this are at the end of this article).
1. Take yourself on a date
What: Consider the type of date you've always wanted to go on and create it for yourself. A date I always wanted to go on starts with amazing food! Then is followed by something easygoing that encourages me to get to know the other person better without distractions, like going for a walk and then sitting on the beach or somewhere green.
I’ve been taking myself on this date once a month for over 8 months now, and for me, it means 2 things:
My expectation isn’t on someone else to fulfill this for me (not that I’d say no!)
I get exactly what I want in the exact way I want it!
Why: We learn to be self-sufficient by doing this for ourselves. We also learn to care for ourselves in the same way that we care for others which boosts our self-esteem and confidence. Big bonus… we get to enjoy a soothing day doing something different from our usual routine.
2. Keep a journal.
What: Set a goal with yourself to write the following, physically with pen and paper, at the end of the day before bedtime for the next three months, and be as detailed as possible by adding the question “why?” to each one.
How have I felt today?
What was the highlight of my day?
What made me not feel so great today?
What is something I did that worked?
What is something I did that didn’t?
Take the opportunity not to overthink your answers. Something that worked may be as simple as "I didn't burn the dinner!" and something that didn’t may be "I snoozed my alarm for 15 minutes, making me rush to get ready." Give it a go!
Why: The goal of this exercise is to increase self-discipline and accountability while also increasing self-awareness. I recommend reviewing this on a weekly and monthly basis and making a list of any standout elements. By actively reflecting, we become aware of any triggers we may have, as well as any behaviors we may be indulging in that contribute to our mood and that of others.
3. Do 3 things per month outside your comfort zone
What: There is a multitude of activities to do here that can be discovered all over the internet. I'll share a few of my favorites with you:
Listen to music from a genre or artist that isn't your usual go-to.
- Not out of taste, just not a top choice. This improves our concentration and serves as a type of meditation by allowing us to be in tune with our bodies and how each instrument feels. Better yet, do it in a new setting, ideally outside.
Take a trip to the unknown.
- Get in the car… and drive. I typically do this for around 30 minutes and see where it take me. I usually stop when I come to a place that is visually appealing. This gives us a sense of independence and satisfies our natural curiosity.
Make a change in your surroundings.
- Purchase a new plant to care for. Replace an inexpensive item, such as a blanket or cushions. Rearrange the furniture. Get a new picture to hang on the wall. The possibilities are nearly limitless. The key here is to make sure the difference is visible and something you'll notice every day.
Why: By staying in our comfort zones, we encourage procrastination and limit our ability to grow. It also promotes impactful feelings like anxiety, depression, and loneliness. With these small efforts, pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone alters the tolerance in our brain that we need to modify for the better. It motivates us to be more flexible. And, when we consider that change is one of the few constants in life, we realize how critical this is.
The following questions will help us reflect on these and draw out our major learnings!
What makes me motivated and uplifted?
What encourages me to procrastinate or ignore duties and responsibilities?
What habits do I have? (Useful and intrusive)
How are my routines impacting me?
On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best) how satisfied with my life am I?
I'm curious to hear how you get on! Send me a message on any of my social media accounts with your results, questions, and discoveries. Best of luck!
Carla Barber, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Carla Barber is a mindfulness expert who specializes in emotional intelligence, cognitive behaviors, and analytical thinking. After years of feeling restrained by anxiety, depression, and stress, Carla discovered what happens when we create a tool-belt of techniques, ideas, and activities that can help us to become more resilient to what affects us on a personal level. She devotes her time to help people discover how to create their own tool-belts and identify what's been preventing them from stepping into the life they want. Carla's mission is to inspire more kindness, awareness, and acceptance in the world.
