Written by: Jesi Carroll, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Let’s face it, as much as we might hate to admit this, fear is real, and it’s present in all of us. No one is immune.
It’s a part of life, absolutely, but why do some seem to have it under control while others get completely controlled by it?
The truth is we all have the power to overcome the stress and fear we experience. We all have the power to get out ahead of it by staying in a more neutral state more often (aka, regularly practicing using the internal tools we already know to tap into such as journaling, meditation, mirror work, improving self-talk, etc.)
So, what’s stopping so many from helping themselves in dire situations when they already have all they need to manage it successfully?
What’s causing so many to be reactive and feel so out of control with their life that they give in to the emotions that are bringing them down?
In my 12 years of mentoring countless women, and now nearly two years working with and interviewing women in my coaching business, I’ve found one of the biggest culprits to be that there’s a misunderstanding around what fear is.
This misunderstanding is causing an overwhelming amount of unnecessary panic and a sense of helplessness because they don’t know exactly what’s wrong and therefore have no idea what will help release the stress. It’s all a guessing game filled with hoping and finger crossing.
And no one is to blame for this. There’s just simply been no education around the meaning of fear and building a relationship with our fears to help them dissolve from the heightened state they create. It is not what society has normalized doing.
Below are some of my top tips to living a freer existence that will help you get out of the fear and into a consistently more peaceful state. With enough practice of implementation, it will become easier and more enjoyable. You will start to understand your fear (and, dare I say, even embrace it).
1. Surrender To The Fear
The toughest part about being in a state we don’t desire is the resistance felt in experiencing it. There’s a push/pull happening were, while the emotion is occurring, we are expending effort into a useless energy field of convincing ourselves it isn’t happening. Our reasoning for why it shouldn’t be and creating mental stories that make the situation catastrophic in the moment. There must be a surrender that instead accepts the moment. When you do that, your body lessens its tightened grip, your breathing slows down and allows oxygen to go into your entire body, and there’s a calm that covers you like a weighted blanket. You feel safer, and essentially, you are.
This surrender (aka: pause) allows for clarity to come in, which serves as the foundation for the next right move to make. It’s the idea of “slowing down to speed up” where the pause becomes the catalyst for aligned motion. Having space for a clear mind during overwhelming will take you far and decrease the pain of the scenario dramatically.
2. Evaluate And Track Your Fear (It’s different for everyone)
One of the key reasons fears can take us over is because it’s easy to immediately group it into general terms in our mind of what’s really happening vs. breaking down the experience. It’s like when we have what feels like a giant to-do list and say, “It’s going to take me forever to finish this.” Yet when you take a real look at the items, you see it’s only a lot of little things, and in all reality is probably going to take a max of 30-60 minutes of your time (as an example).
It’s important to bring the experience off the pedestal and take a real look at it. Understand what you’re working with and recalibrate your perspective from the bird’s eye view down to a more up close one.
Write down the following:
Ask yourself if there are any patterns you notice where fear tends to pop up consistently.
Ask yourself what occurs in your mind right before and during the experience of that fear.
Ask yourself why it feels scary and what you’re REALLY afraid of. Get honest with yourself. (If you stop at “I don’t know,” this is a huge sign of being patient with yourself as you dig deeper. If you give yourself time to think about this, an answer will come).
Ask yourself what you believe to be the worst-case scenario of this thing occurring and how likely you are to experience that.
Ask yourself what the best-case scenario would be if you moved towards the fear, and it all worked out. THIS is the key thing you want to focus on and place energy towards.
Doing that exercise will help you understand the stories you’re creating in your mind vs. what’s really being experienced.
3. Speak To Your Fear
This one might seem a little out there but hear me out.
Remember when I used the term “relationship” regarding dismantling and dissolving the power that fear can have over us? This is what I was talking about. We want to start seeing the “bad” emotions as data vs. something to be scared of. We want to start thinking about these undesired feelings/emotions as our bodies simply speaking to us a little more loudly, so we will pay attention to what it has to say. It’s all just guidance (or an internal compass, if you will).
The more we can tune in and listen to what our body is trying to say to us, the more knowledgeable and the less afraid we will be when heightened emotions come to the surface. And funny enough, you will notice them come up less and less because your body doesn’t need to talk so loudly to get your attention anymore. There’s established communication and understanding happening.
If you want to understand the messages your body is trying to send you, allow that curiosity to be the question you bring into your next meditation session. Become curious with your body’s language and watch your awareness of what it’s saying to you become effortless. Soon enough, you will not even question any fear that comes up but instead be able to say thank you for the information, make sense of it, and move on, removing its once-powerful grip.
Another key thing to remember is that both fear and excitement sit on the same emotional scale, just at opposite ends. Therefore, that means your perception of your experience is what determines the placement of it on the scale. If you can tune in more and work on that relationship every day, your emotions will naturally gravitate towards a placement you desire simply because you know that’s where it belongs.
At the end of the day, the most important thing to know is that you do not have to be a victim of your circumstance. You do not have to be stuck in an emotional state you do not desire to be in. The choice is yours. It is up to you to decide what you want different and then find a way to make it happen.
Especially now that you know more is possible.
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Jesi Carroll, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jesi Carroll, Life Design Coach, is a certified Interior Designer and Mindset Coach who can show you how to Re-design your life (AND home) in the way you're worthy of. She specializes in taking her clients from decorating overwhelm and debilitating people-pleasing and perfectionism to relief at home and in life. She believes that design is a mirror that can reflect our inner world back to us. When leveraged properly, it can be life-changing and allow us to dive deep into the subconscious to truly heal. This tool is available to all of us, and she is here to show you how to harness it!
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