Written by Emily Lacy, Sex and Relationship Therapist
Emily Lacy is the owner and founder of Aligning Intimacy Therapy where she practices as a Sex and Relationship Therapist. She specializes in sexual trauma, genito-pelvic pain, and low libido and holds a passion for appropriate and accessible sexual education.
The history of sex toys, specifically dildos, dates as far back as the ice age! Civilizations such as ancient Greece and Egypt were very active and encouraging of innovative methods to produce and use sex toys. Interestingly, most of these toys were created for women to prevent or cure “hysteria,” which we now know is pretty far off the mark, even though this assumption lasted well into the 20th century.
In recent years, there has been a recorded 30% increase in sex toy online sales in North America during the COVID-19 lockdown, with even higher increases in other countries. Check that research out here. Beliefs and attitudes toward sex toys have certainly changed over the years. However, many myths still exist that limit people’s understanding of the benefits and potential toys can bring to a sexual experience.
Why invest in a sex toy?
The most important reason you should invest in a sex toy is that you deserve the opportunity to explore your sexual self and the pleasure that your body has the potential to create. Other very valid reasons exist as well, but this is a motivator that can be generalized to almost everyone considering exploring sex toys either solo or in shared experiences. Some people have found that they can experience an orgasm while using a sex toy when they have previously encountered frustrating barriers. Some people fear becoming “dependent” or being “defective” because they are using a toy. However, we can think of this in a new way. While using moderation can be argued for most things in life, a sex toy can produce and enhance pleasure in an experience that promotes healing, self-discovery, and connection. It doesn’t have to be a sign of defect but rather an indicator of exploration and resourcefulness. We have these tools available to us, so why not try them out and keep an open mind to their potential rather than only the perceived risks?
Ways to incorporate a toy into your sex life
Sex toys can be incorporated into your sex life in a plethora of different ways. Whether engaging with solo pleasure or sharing the experience with others, you can experiment with versatility. There doesn’t have to be a standardized manual for how to use a toy. For example, a vibrator can be used on many different areas of the body, targeting more erogenous zones than only the genitals. Toys can be a great way to expand your foreplay experience, develop a familiar relationship with desire and arousal, and ultimately produce more pleasure. Adding toys to the choices on your sexual menu can offer opportunities for your partner(s) to be involved as well. There is nothing that requires you to be the one controlling the toy.
Toys can be more than a fun addition. Sometimes, they are necessary to create pleasure and even reduce discomfort or pain. If we can use a vibrator to produce more arousal and lubrication, there is a lower chance of friction creating problems. Devices like the Ohnut can also prevent deep penetration pain and provide additional external stimulation. In some cases, penetration is not an option, and toys can help create a fulfilling sexual experience.
3 things to consider before purchasing a sex toy
Safety
Currently, the FDA does not regulate sex toys unless they can be classified as medical devices used for specific medical interventions or purposes. For example, vibrators may sometimes be used for medical intervention in cases of sexual dysfunction. Also, some devices may assist in Kegel exercises and pelvic floor issues. You can read more about that here. The main takeaway is that these products must be labeled “for therapeutic use” to be monitored by the FDA. When a manufacturer advertises as “novelty use only,” none of these regulations apply. Some common materials used to create flexibility in sex toys, such as phthalates and Polyvinyl Chloride (PVC), pose a significant risk of adverse health effects. This is all to say that it’s imperative to research the material a toy is made of before purchasing and using it.
Also, while discussing safety, it would be remiss not to mention all the things we should not use for self-pleasure. For example, please do not use the handle end of a razor, a shampoo bottle, or a television remote as a sex toy. These are only three examples, but if it’s not meant for masturbation, we probably shouldn’t use it for masturbation. While things like shower heads might not be quite as risky and even hold a lot of potential for a self-pleasuring experience, others might cause severe damage to your body. Adverse health consequences and injuries are preventable by purchasing a safe and reliable sex toy, keeping it clean, and storing it appropriately.
How we use a sex toy is also a topic of great importance. There is a critical difference between toys that are used for vaginal penetration and those that are used for anal penetration. A toy is considered safe for anal penetration if it has a flared base. Too many people end up in emergency surgery to remove a sex toy or other object from their colon after it becomes inserted too far and continues its path upward. Toys designed for vaginal penetration aren’t required to have a flared base, as the cervix or end of the vaginal canal will prevent any further movement into the body. Also, it is generally recommended not to share sex toys with another person. If you are sharing a toy with a partner, you can use a condom and thoroughly clean the toy before and after each use to prevent the potential spread of infection. Bacteria can be transmitted through the use of shared toys as easily as intercourse.
Lube
If you are going to be using a sex toy, it is almost always recommended to incorporate some type of lubricant as well. Lubricant, or lube, is incredibly important to enhance a sexual experience and reduce the risk of injury or pain. Without proper lubrication, friction can cause discomfort and limit pleasurable sensations. Additionally, this friction can cause microtears, which creates a risk of infection and damage to the delicate tissue comprising the genital areas.
When selecting an appropriate lube, it is critical to know what material your sex toy is made of. The three most common types of lube are water-based, silicone-based, or oil-based. A water-based lube is excellent for those with sensitive skin and allergies, as well as for use with silicone sex toys and devices. Because a water-based lube is more quickly broken down by bodily fluids and absorbed by the skin, it may need to be reapplied more frequently. A silicone-based lube lasts longer on the skin but should never be used with a silicone toy or device. The silicone lube will degrade the surface of the silicone toy, creating a tacky or sticky surface, shortening its lifespan, and compromising its safety. An oil-based lube, such as coconut or olive oil, provides an easy alternative to purchasing specific lubricants from the store; however, they can degrade latex condoms and decrease their effectiveness. Also, the oils may alter the pH of the vagina leading to an increased risk of infection.
Cleaning and storage
It seems evident that a person should clean a sex toy between each use, but knowing the best way to clean and store them helps extend the life of each toy and reduce the risk of contamination and infection. For most toys and devices, warm water and a mild scent-free soap are sufficient to prevent bacterial buildup. However, silicone, glass, or steel toys that do not have electronic components can be placed in boiling water or a dishwasher to achieve a deeper clean. Some toys, such as those made of latex or wood, are more porous and likely to hold onto bacteria even after cleaning with soap and water. If you are opting for these materials, using a condom as an extra layer of protection can help prevent the harboring of bacteria.
Always make sure to clean a new toy before using it. These toys have likely been in the hands of many people and through different machines before arriving at your home, which means you must remove all of the manufacturing residue and potentially harmful contaminants before coming into contact with some of your most delicate body areas. Also, it is imperative that a toy is thoroughly cleaned immediately after each use to prevent the growth and buildup of harmful bacteria that can cause infections. Lay your toy on a clean surface to air dry or dry with a clean, lint-free towel and store it in a sealed container separate from other toys and devices. It is also recommended to remove batteries and charging cords before storage to prevent corrosion.
Final thoughts
Hopefully, you have gained some insight and interest from the information in this article and are considering exploring the many options available to you within the world of sex toys. Remember that buying a sex toy is a highly personal decision that holds significant potential to enhance your sexual experiences. By understanding your preferences, researching materials, and considering factors such as safety, you can make a confident and informed decision that aligns with your needs and desires. Remember, the key is to prioritize your comfort and explore your unique way of experiencing pleasure.
Read more from Emily Lacy
Emily Lacy, Sex and Relationship Therapist
Emily Lacy is an emerging leader in the research and treatment of female sexual dysfunction, trauma therapy, and sex education. She has personally deconstructed harmful and shame-filled messages surrounding sex and intimacy to create an empowered approach to assist others who wish to do the same. She has since developed a group therapy practice where she and her team work diligently to promote a sex-positive and inclusive environment for all to embrace their journal toward sexual wellness.
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