Written by: Melanie Josephine, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Dating can be daunting, let alone using a dating app. Haven´t we all heard a bad story about someone stalking the other or getting in a toxic relationship after dating online. But the question is, can we really blame the app?
At first dating apps/websites were frowned upon. People either did not use them or utilised them secretly. That has completely changed now. It seems that these days no one appears to meet their significant other any other way.
Yet individuals give the impression of having entirely contrasting experiences. Why do some find love and others get creeped out? What is their secret to success?
The secret to success
If you want to fall in love, but whenever you think of online dating you feel sick to your stomach, there are two options for you. 1. You try to meet him/her in day to day life. 2. You change your mindset about dating apps.
I want to invite you to consider the second option. How can you change how you think and why would you? You might want to switch your reasoning, because apps/sites ultimately are tools that serve us and they give us amazing options.
I used to believe that meeting on an app was unromantic and not the way I wanted to tell my children about how I met their father. Yet when I mentioned this to my life coach, she questioned: “What makes something romantic?” That made me realise that I control what I perceive as romantic with my own thinking.
My suggestion to you is that you give yourself a few weeks before using an app and practice affirmations. This can be as easy as: “I met my husband on a dating site and I am so grateful they exist” or “Dating apps are a gift to my love life”.
Being smart prevents disappointment
What dating app you choose ultimately influences your experience. If you pick one that is known for its hook up culture, don´t be surprised once you get an invitation for “Netflix and chill”. Though when you take a look at apps with more serious candidates, you will be positively surprised. In addition, take into consideration sites that promote religious/ spiritual beliefs if this is of importance to you.
Create a profile that stands out
Treat this no other than a serious job application. The only difference is, it doesn´t need to be as formal. You show up as your most authentic, loving self. When creating your profile, show the Universe you are serious by making an effort. What stories do you want to share? What makes you unique as a person? What qualities do you bring to the relationship?
Let your pictures reflect your personality. Put your best foot forward, at the same time as staying true to who you are. If you have a dog, consider posting a picture with him/her. You like the outdoors? Select a picture of your last trip.
The more you show you, the higher the chances the person at the other end can make out if you are a good match for them. This ultimately saves you time and energy going on dates with people who are simply not for you.
Considering paid sites?
Paid sites generally give you the opportunity to be more specific about who you are looking for. They usually have a system that matches you with someone who could be a good fit for you.
There are two reasons why you might want to consider to pay: 1. The matching process saves you time going to dates that ultimately disappoint you. 2. You show the Universe your dedication with your willingness to pay. As your potential partner does the same, he/she also shows readiness to commit.
Let the journey begin…
1. Chat a few times, see whether the conversation flows, then meet. Do not text for various months, because you need that face to face interaction to be able to tell if this person could be for you.
2. Someone can come across more bold/shy online than they really are in person. Same goes for pictures, someone can look better/worse than their photograph (after all it´s all subjective).
3. Be patient and know in your heart there is somebody out there for you. Do not give up. Take a break when you feel negative thinking creeping in.
3 inspiring stories
1. My former flatmate met her now fiancé on a dating website. She was chatting to him and thought he was boring! As she tried to delete him, her lap top froze (!) and she had to shut it down. When it restarted the website came back up and so did the guy she was talking to. They then talked a little more and he convinced to come on a date with him. When they met they hit it off and they´ve been together ever since!
2. A colleague of mine was on a site for six months with no luck. In months number seven she discovered a function where she could see people who were online and in her area. She thought to herself: “This is exciting!” Sixteen pages later she spotted someone of interest! She initiated a chat and many dates later they are now husband and wife.
3. After a devastating break up my very good friend joined one of the first apps that came about. She went on a date and invited the man around her place after (which was very unlike her). At first, things were very casual, they kept going on dates and hanging out. One day she decided to have the “official conversation” with him. They are now married and recently had a son!
I wanted to give you these three beautiful examples to show that meeting via a dating app can in fact be romantic and successful. Ultimately it is not important who introduced you, but the love that resulted.
Change your love life forever
Dating apps are of course not evil. Whenever we blame we give our power away. When you manifest the one person that is right for you, you may just come across him/her on an app that has a negative reputation. However you may not want to begin your search there. I just want you to know
that you have the power and that anything is possible. You can meet your person on a dating app, a dating website, on social media, in groups, at the bakery. Just be open.
What it comes down to is that we create what we believe. Our brain always wants to be right and so if you believe that you won´t find a decent partner online- you will not. You will prove yourself right. Even if it is not the outcome you wanted, it will be the end result. Do not wait for the Universe to surprise you, instead surprise the Universe by changing your attitude and your beliefs. And everyday, let miracles flow your way.
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Melanie Josephine, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Melanie Josephine is a leading expert in the field of dating and relationships. In her coaching practice, she actively helps women to bring clarity and light into a topic that may have been dark for years. After going through challenges in her own love life, she decided to research and figure out where she was going wrong. Her self help book “Love Life Simplified” won a New Apple Award in the category “Young Adult Inspirational” and she continues to write for Brainz Magazine as well as on medium.com. In her podcast “Change Your Love Life Forever” she regularly shares experiences and learnings on a vulnerable level. Before she settled down in the UK, she travelled the world as an international nanny and shared her learnings in her popular book “Rock Your Au Pair Year”. Melanie is a highly organised Nanny/ Carer PA with many years of experience in private households alongside her coaching and author activities. Her mission: to bring hope into peoples love life because there is someone for everyone!
