Written by: Dr. Alexandra Swenson-Ridley DC, NBC-HWC, AMP, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When we are on a quest for change, or even when we are not, the majority of us will at some point experience self-sabotage. Sometimes we are aware of it, but more often than not, it flies under the radar as patterns in our lives that go unnoticed.
If we dig however, we find that patterns are often subconscious programming instilled in us at some point in our lives, that however well-meaning in protecting us in some way, ultimately hold us back from realizing our true potential. In other words, it keeps us comfortable. And it also keeps us stuck when we are working towards a breakthrough. Let’s paint a picture of the person working towards a big goal: losing weight, hitting the next level in their business or finishing a big race or event. They follow the diet, make the business and marketing plan, or hire the coach to help them train. They have all the pieces, and are doing everything “right”.But then, inevitably, at a certain point sabotage comes in. Maybe it’s before they even really get started, or when they’re just starting to see some progress, or they’re in the finals print so to speak, but something happens:
Getting sick or injured
A stressful week throws a curveball
Lack of sleep
Worry becomes reality
Commitment waivers
Blame, criticism and foul moods surface
In these moments, we experience the frustration of glimpsing a vision of a new version of ourselves, only to watch it go up in smoke by things we think are outside of our control. Maybe we write off yet another failed diet… Or decide we took the wrong approach with our business… Or decide we’ll finally complete the race “next time” …
In every case, we have failed ourselves. But rather than pausing to examine why. we usually turn to yet another external thing, thinking the answer lies in some magical pill, method or training program that’s going to be the silver bullet we just haven’t found yet. The reality is, continuing this loop of trying the next thing, failing with conscious or unconscious self-sabotage and then looking again for the next “thing” is quite literally the definition of insanity.
Instead, we need to start to look within ourselves. We need to identify where our patterns are and what’s holding us back. Only then will we finally be able to move forward. In his book The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks outlines what he calls the four Upper Limit Problems. In the short version, these are the four underlying fears that end up presenting a proverbial ceiling we cannot surpass without some new insight and internal work:
Feeling fundamentally flawed
Worry about leaving others behind
Believing more success makes you a bigger burden
Fear of outshining others
Using these underlying fears, the following are three steps you can take to get unstuck by rooting out the source of your self-sabotage: 1. The first step in getting unstuck and rooting out the source of your own self-sabotage is to identify the patterns that exist when you have become stuck. Make the time to journal and reflect on those instances where you had a goal or vision of the future and you did not meet it. Where something held you back. Can you find a common theme? They can fall into the category of Gay Hendrick’s Upper Limit Problems of not. The key is to find the pattern. For example: every time you get momentum in business, with weight loss, in a relationship etc you get sick or injured(or whatever your pattern is). 2. Next, get clear on whatever your limiting beliefs have been around this area in your life. It’s important to really be honest here. Maybe you’ve never really felt like you deserved or are worthy of what you are seeking. Or you worry that success will make you unrelatable to those around you. Or perhaps you have an underlying belief that if you let your light shine it will make someone close to you feel bad? Maybe it’s something else, but that gives you a starting point! 3. Finally, when you’ve identified the limiting belief, upper limit problem, root of your self-sabotage or whatever else you want to call it, it’s time to acknowledge it, and leave it behind. Here’s the key, you want to be really clear what that belief has been, AND that it is now in your past: “Until now I have been unconsciously committed to believing ” And finally, we take the final step and create a new belief that will now serve us in where we are trying to go: “I now consciously commit to believing ” Do the work, make the shift, repeat it until it becomes embedded in your subconscious, and watch for any moments where a limiting belief rears its head in the form of self-sabotage, and
repeat. When you take the time to do the inner work, the battles you have been fighting and frustrations you have experienced to this point will fade away. You will reach your dreams, achieve new heights and then some.
Dr. Alexandra Swenson-Ridley DC, NBC-HWC, AMP, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Alexandra Swenson-Ridley is a thought leader in outside the box and natural approaches to women's health and hormones, focusing on what she has termed Selfless Syndrome. After suffering her own health challenges that resulted from focusing on everyone and everything but herself, her work turned towards helping other driven women navigate the world of fatigue, thyroid issues, anxiety and depression, difficulty losing weight, gut health and more without the use of medications. She is the founder of Emergent Women Coaching & Health Consulting and is building a business that serves both her clients and her health, while helping other women do the same. She is the host of the podcast Emerge-The Health Podcast for Busy High Performing Women, the creator of the Emergent Women Method and Chrysalis Health Consulting Program, and a PhD candidate in Integrative Medicine through Quantum University. Her mission: to help women break through the constraints imposed by misinformation, society and a lack of self-worth and step into the awesome power of who they really are.
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