Written by: Safia Haque, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The "Secret mindset shift you need", is label-free and judgement-free interactions with your children.
Because an invisible wall goes up between us and them as soon as we label or judge them. So before we even can get their attention we are already facing resistance ad often we are not even aware of it. For example, when we label them as kids that don’t listen, we set the expectations in themselves to become children that just don’t listen or have the ability to listen.
For example: We repeatedly say to our child: “Oh I know you will not listen anyway”…then why will they listen.
The first step that will get kids to listen is your belief that they have 100 % capability to listen and to co-operate if we believe and support them to develop those skills judgement free. This one shift will change the whole relationship and cooperation will come without the nagging and repeating. In the long-term, the relationship is a connected one when we stay labelled and judgement-free as much as possible.
Secret 2 is the "Ancient Art of silence" for a peaceful and harmonious environment in your home and mind.
I would like us to take a minute and just enjoy some silence and presence…
How did that feel? Did you feel more present and alert to the current circumstances around you. Silence allows us to slow down and tune into the current needs for ourselves and our children. When we rush into responding we get ourselves into trouble more often then we really want to, which does not help, therefore slowing down is the key here. A wise man a long time ago took this practice to the next level. He would keep a little pebble in his mouth, so every time he was addressed he had to take it out first and that gave him time to formulate his response and it kept him out of trouble, as he pointed out himself.
The ancient Art of silence is the simple technique of staying silent and becoming present before you respond to any situation with your children.
What is my "Top secret strategy at home right now” that is easy to follow and hassle-free.
I never made it an option for my kids not to listen, I have a culture at the home of listening, which means that my kids are very clear about the fact that listening to each other is the family culture.
Because I realised that if I train my children to listen to me as a parent they will find it easier to listen to their teachers and the wider community and also are very aware of how co-operation is a key part of a community.
By taking away the choice it provided them with very clear boundaries, and they don’t have to think about it. It is simple and a blessing for them and for you.
So creating an undisputable rule about listening is the first step, this does not mean it will work straight away. They are learning a skill for life and when they do slip up, which they will I can guarantee that, I see that as a forgetful mistake that was made in the moment and deal with it compassionately and there are consequences depending on the situation.
For example: Recently I had the issue that my son will keep playing a game beyond the time that was given. So they already know that they did exceed their limit and after 3 warnings there are consequences to this, which means less or no game time the next time.
A scenario where there are no consequences for not listening is like, when I asked them to put a plate away and they forgot to do it as they got distracted. Now consistence is crucial with this strategy but also staying compassionate and showing loving leadership.
Good luck and do let me know how it is going for you.
Safia Haque, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Safia Haque is an Effortless Parenting Coach, a Speaker, and a Home-Educator. After going through a life-changing Psychological Paradigm Shift that made her parenting effortless, non-reactive, and peaceful. She is on a mission to take one parent per family through the powerful Inside-Out transformation. She is the creator of the Effortless Parenting Course and is working with parents worldwide to raise happy, healthy, and confident children without any guilt, stress, or worry.
