Written by: Gabrielle Haili, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I used to think, to forgive, meant that I was telling people, “it’s okay to hurt me, consequences are no longer necessary because I’m over it, so you're allowed to stay in my life.”
Have you ever wondered why you keep hearing people preach about forgiveness?
Forgiveness is not one of those things that people do out of a desire to appear virtuous.
What if I told you that forgiveness is a powerful tool to help you feel better physically,
emotionally, and energetically and it’s not about letting people get away with the wrongs they've done?
These insights on forgiveness will help you to understand why forgiveness must be done as soon as possible to protect your body from toxins, to cut the string that keeps you connected to the people who have hurt you, and how it has nothing to do with letting them off the hook.
1. Non-forgiveness is self-abuse.
I love the way Michael Beckwith said it, “biologically, these emotions associated with non-forgiveness produces toxicity in the bloodstream.” When bad feeling thoughts are repeated in the mind, it produces lower energy emotions like anger, resentment, and fear; causing hormones like cortisol to be secreted in the bloodstream.
When this occurs over and over for a long period, it causes illness, fatigue, and mental health issues.
Not to mention, non-forgiveness is painful. Energetically, it feels like tension, constriction, anger, and hostility.
No matter what you do in your life when you’re experiencing these moments in the mind, over and over, the body doesn’t understand the difference between what our body is physically experiencing and what is occurring in the mind, it just reacts and doses you with potentially harmful hormones over time.
You can think of it as a drug overdose.
The truth is, we don’t have to re-energize the painful experiences, we have a choice. Does it mean that we will forget it? No, but it is possible to remember the event without experiencing the pain, so that you may learn from it.
2. Imagine non-forgiveness as a little string forever tying you to a person(s)!
Yikes! If you’re like me, that's a big “HELL NO, I don't want any connections, thank you very much!” I remember, one time I asked someone out on a date and they humiliated me in front of their friends. After that, when I used to think about being bold and pursuing the men I was interested in, I instantly shunned that idea from my mind because I thought that other people would embarrass me too! However, forgiveness is more like you getting scissors and you cutting the string that’s tying you to the person and ridding that emotional charge from your life. When you detach from the person(s), it allows you to move forward and learn from it so you don’t have to continue repeating the experience over and over again. How do you know if you really forgave them? When you imagine the one who you believe is the cause of your pain, and you feel an emotional charge, this is your clue that you’re still tied to them; they have your power because you are the one who’s hurting. If you feel nothing, then the connection is severed. I am so grateful to myself that I moved on from that fear because the last person I boldly asked on a date, is now the love of my life. Where would I be if I didn’t change? The event will always be there, but it doesn’t have to hold you hostage from your sense of joy nor does it have to dictate the choices you make in life. Most importantly though, it doesn’t mean that what they did was okay!
3. Forgiveness doesn’t mean they get to be a part of your life or that you ever have to talk to them again.
Hello, boundaries! Boundaries are your BFF. You get to decide whether they get to be an active member of your life or not. If they’re family, could you love them from a distance? For example, if you guys talk every day, could you talk once a week? Once a month?
To forgive, you DON’T have to reach out to them to move on. You CAN forgive them in your mind and it will be just as effective.
This doesn’t mean the person who hurt you shouldn't to jail, pay for what they did, or even rot in hell. It doesn’t mean that what happened to you wasn’t fair or didn’t hurt.
Forgiveness is not for the benefit of other people. Forgiveness is a BENEFIT to you.
Remember non-forgiveness only hurts you, not the other person, so why should your body be the one paying for it time and time again?
Forgiveness is there for the benefit of our own personal wellness and the ability to experience joy in our lives. It’s one of those practices we do to release the pain, learn to let go, and heal so we can live boldly free of external events.
Now that you have insight into how forgiveness physically harms the only body you have, keeps you energetically connected to a person(s), and you understand that it’s not a permission slip for others to keep hurting you, you can stop holding yourself hostage from feeling better regularly.
Forgiveness is a powerful gift to give yourself.
It has this tangible sensation to it that you can actually feel! In my experience, forgiving others feels like weightlifting from my shoulders.
It feels like relief and liberation.
If you have 5 minutes to spare, find a space where you can be alone and try out one of my favorite forgiveness meditations from Michael Beckwith.
Gabrielle Haili, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Gabrielle Haili is a transformational life coach and the founder of Boldly Free, LLC. She is passionate about helping impact-driven women heal from lingering traumas so they can transform their lives, businesses, and relationships.
The content of her life became the curriculum for her evolution. For most of her life, she endured mental illness, substance abuse, and suicidal tendencies as a result of traumatic experiences including sexual abuse from childhood into her mid-twenties, the loss of her brother at 21 years young, and surviving a life-threatening narcissistic relationship.
As a result of going through those experiences, her mission is to help people heal from trauma and raise the level of consciousness of 1 billion people. In her coaching programs, she loves to talk about self-awareness, disidentifying from thoughts, transforming emotions, and embracing boundaries.
Comments