Danica Carson, creator of Hack Decks™, specializes in creating simple and effective ways to help others live their lives with less stress and more enjoyment. Focusing on pain points such as getting organized, becoming a mother, going off to college, coming up with fresh ways to connect, Hack Decks™ provides a shortcut to a happier, easier life.
My name is Danica Carson, and I am the creator of Hack Decks™. Hack Decks™ is a unique line of thoughtfully conceived prompt cards designed to simplify life and reduce daily stress. Each deck focuses on a transitional period of life to help people stay organized and focused during these changes. For example, when becoming a new mother (New Mama Deck) or going off to college (Dorm Deck), we offer suggestions to ease the transition. Each deck has a keen eye on organization and adjusting to a new environment or phase of life, which is influenced by our home organizing company. Hack Decks™ is owned by The Uncluttered Life, Inc., a boutique home-organizing company based in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas.
The mission of Hack Decks™ is simple: live a happier, more fulfilling life by skipping the struggle that comes with everyday living. Using crowd-sourced wisdom and the experience of experts in their field, each Hack Deck™ is designed to “coach” users by offering prompts that encourage a proactive approach to life. In other words, working smarter rather than harder.
From California to the DFW area
I graduated from UC Berkeley, majoring in an interdisciplinary study that combined the practice of fine art, history, psychology, modern media, and social science. I always felt a passion for art, pursuing creative outlets such as painting, photography, as well as graphic and home design. It wasn’t until my late twenties, however, that I began to fully appreciate the impact visual stimulation had on me.
As in my previous article, I explained the relationship between clutter, mental health and cortisol levels. I cited several articles, of which there are many more, ranging from WebMD to Neuroscience News to Stanford University to The National Institutes of Health. Clutter, as explained in these articles, leads to both poor mental and physical health because of an increase in cortisol levels. With this information in hand, my partner, Cathy, and I turned this reality into something that would not only help me, but in the process, help others.
Physical and psychological effects of organizing
After researching the physical and psychological effect that surroundings have on your mental and physical health, Cathy and I realized we could combine our love of organization and interior design to create spaces that allowed people to thrive. In 2019, we decided to take the leap and establish our boutique organizing company, The Uncluttered Life, Inc., in Southern California. The Uncluttered Life, Inc. had been a lifetime in the making without either one of us realizing it.
Soon after our first year of marriage, my husband and I welcomed a baby boy and decided to make a major move. My husband accepted a job offer in DFW, and we joined my brother and his wife in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. While COVID was turning the world upside down and not wanting to be far from family and their new grandson, my parents simultaneously took the leap. They sold their home in Southern California and moved close to the homes of my brother and me. With several years of home organization under our belt and COVID sweeping our country, we adjusted our company model from in-home organization in Southern California to a virtual product in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. The Uncluttered Life, Inc., a combination of Cathy’s many years as a home organizer, both in the Kon Mari Method and several others, and my design background, helped us reestablish the company in our new city.
Having a new baby during COVID – a look from Danica’s perspective
COVID was a hard time for everyone, especially me, because I was pregnant and delivered during that time. Even though my family couldn’t be around me during this joyous occasion, and I delivered in a maternity wing that looked like a ghost town, I was thrilled. I had a new healthy baby boy, and for that I couldn’t have been more grateful. However, what I didn’t expect at that time was the loneliness I felt during and after he was born. During lockdown, people had to wear masks and stay at a distance. Not only that, but many places were shuttered. In other words, I was home with my brand-new son with little to no support from the outside world.
Having moved from Southern California to Texas at the height of the pandemic, I had left all my friends behind in a place where I had grown up, gone to school, and gotten married. In Texas, I was alone. Yes, my brother was there, but even then, we had to be careful about being near one another. I was in a new home with little to no furniture, and a baby. I looked out the window day after day and wondered if any of the people in the houses on my street would be that support. I needed friends, and I felt my knocks on people’s doors wouldn’t be welcome. So, with my son in my arms, we looked out the window, day after day, seeing few if any people walk outside my door. It was lonely.
Post-partum depression
Add in, too, that I was suffering from major post-partum depression. In April of the following year (we moved in July, so it was a nine-month span), my parent’s home was finally ready, and for the first time in many months, I had company. My mom lived down the street from me and I was eager, if not desperate, for conversation. Moreover, I had a secret that I had shared with no one: from my son’s first few weeks until after my parents arrived, I had been crying. I was not crying just a little bit. I was crying all the time. I felt numb and detached. I felt like I was having trouble seeing the joy in motherhood. My mom, once she arrived, took one look at me and said, “You have post-partum depression.” And, because she has the eye of a momma bear, she made phone calls and got me to a good psychiatrist in no time. The rest is history. It was time to heal. Or at least start the healing process.
What I learned from struggling from post-partum depression
I created the New Mama Deck for this precise reason. There were some significant lessons I learned from having a baby during a very isolating time in American history. I also learned a lot from having post-partum depression. Most of all, I learned that asking for help is the name of the game.
Lesson 1: Mom still matters
When you welcome a new baby into a family, it’s joyous. Call it what you want. A blessing. A miracle. A gift. It is all those things and more. Yet all the focus moves from mom, who is the focus during pregnancy, to a focus on the new baby. Of course, that’s the way you want it to be. But there is more to it than that because mom still matters. A mom’s happiness and health still matter, even though a new mom and dad’s entire life now revolves around this bundle of joy. One of the biggest predictors for a child’s happiness, I learned, is their mother’s happiness. This is why it is so important to check in with yourself regularly during that first year. New moms need to assess if they are experiencing any signs of PPD (post-partum depression). And, if so, to seek help immediately.
After I had my son, I put his needs above everything else in my life. I was so grateful to have him, given that my fertility was not a given. I felt ashamed and selfish when I addressed my own needs. That played a big part in my PPD. In retrospect, I see that I could have avoided so much struggle by addressing things early on. For this reason, our New Mama Deck encourages new moms to take care of themselves. To consider their own needs does not detract from the mother they are or the type and quality of care they give their new baby. In fact, it enhances it. Pull a card from our New Mama Deck and see that the focus is not only on baby but also on you. Your happiness. Your need for self-care. Your quality time and most importantly, learning how you can ask for help.
Lesson 2: Comparison is the thief of joy
It’s very common for moms to compare their journey with motherhood to what they see on social media, a friend’s journey, or even your own mother’s experience. Again, I will say, comparison is the thief of joy. A new mom’s circumstances are unique to her and her baby. Period. So, comparing someone else’s experience or happiness to yours is not only irrelevant, but it's also harmful.
Social media is a sticky wicket. It can be full of glamor shots of mom and new baby, only to find out that after the picture is taken, mom is not so perfect. She is frustrated, for example, with her partner. Mom is running around her house to make sure everything looks “perfect”, and her life is perceived as perfect. While, of course, dad’s head is spinning, not understanding where the pressure is coming from and/or that the new mama needs help. She needs someone to take the load off, real or imaginary, since there is social pressure for new moms to feel, look, dress, portray, and mimic the perfect mom on her social media account. Why don’t more moms feel okay with their ability to raise their hand or sing out to say, “Help, I’m drowning?” Or “I forgot who I am?” Many say they are tired, but that’s about as far as it goes.
One way to alleviate this problem is to have a friend, husband, or relative pick a card from the New Mama Deck. It helps the new mom in a way that she can appreciate. In other words, another can take the load off, without having to ask what New Mama needs. Pick a card and do what the card suggests. That means help with the laundry, both doing it and putting it away. Make the new mama a snack so she can sit quietly with the baby. Help her keep hydrated so that breast feeding is easier. It’s all these things that mom is uncomfortable asking for, yet so desperately needs.
Having babies alongside my friends having babies
I had a baby at the same time a lot of my friends had babies. I constantly found myself feeling like I’d failed in arbitrary ways, like “bouncing back” to my pre-baby body. Spoiler: It never came back! And that’s okay. But it took me a long time to learn to love my new body as much as I loved my old. Now, four years later, I feel more confident in myself and my body that I ever have. Having a baby made me realize that I wasted so much of my life worrying about my body or my weight, when there was never anything wrong with it in the first place. Also, I learned that it takes a lot to grow another person, and the body sacrifice, if I can call it that, is worth every ounce I weigh more now than I did before.
Lots of moms compete with their baby’s milestones. This is another “gift” of social media. Now, not only do we compete to look perfect, but we also want our babies to be perfect, too. It’s a weird and unhealthy competition that makes no sense. Our babies develop as they do, and one child’s milestones are not better or worse than another’s. In fact, one milestone for a baby may be more difficult for another. There is a wide spectrum of normal. Kids develop at their own speed. I met a mom at the park who did not stop comparing my son’s milestones to her kid’s milestones. She’d said, “When X was that age, he was already talking…blah, blah, blah.” Guess what? Now my son is four years old and has the vocabulary of a fourth grader. And what difference does it make anyway? Maybe her son is a genius at numbers. That’s the whole point. It doesn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything then when her child talked first. And it doesn’t matter now. But because we live in a comparison-society, I felt anxious and inadequate when someone else’s child grew past mine. As a first-time mom, I felt like I was failing my child or stunting his growth. Add PPD on top of that, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Lesson 3: There is no such thing as 50/50 parenting
What a lie, falsehood, crock of you know-what-that is. I was sold a bill of goods by magazines, on-line articles, and my own misconceptions. It doesn’t mean, of course, that both parents aren’t equally involved in a child’s life. What it does mean, however, is that it’s a teamwork effort or approach, not a split down the middle event. My husband and I are teammates when it comes to parenting. He is an amazing father, but I am the “default” parent because that dynamic works for us. Yours may be different, because, again, comparison is the thief of joy, and what works for us may not work for you.
I am home with my son while my husband works outside the home. (I work, but my work is more flexible.) And let me just say that sometimes it’s harder to work inside the home than outside the home because I can never take a five-minute break by shutting the door to my office. Or the bathroom, for that matter. I am on, 24/7, and my battery gets drained by the end of the day.
Moms hear that clock in their head all the time, whether they’re working or at home taking care of their kids. It’s the clock that never stops ticking. That means anticipating your child’s needs, getting no time to take a shower until they’re older and can occupy their own time, or having to cook with one hand because your child wants the other. That clock inside your head says do more, work harder, work faster, and get the most out of the time your child takes a nap. It’s an internal reminder of what you can accomplish in a good ten minutes. Because you never know when, especially as babies, they will sound the alarm with the cry that says your alone time is up.
The scales shift all the time
Sometimes you’re 20% and your partner is 80%. Sometimes it’s the opposite. A big part of parenting is learning to compensate for one another’s needs. For example, you’ve had a long couple of weeks. Everyone in the house has been sick (including you), and then, SURPRISE! your kid falls on the playground and breaks his arm. You’re running on fumes, you have about 5% left in the tank, but because you are the default parent, you’re up to bat to comfort him. And at the same time, you’re still disinfecting your house from the bug he brought home from school or daycare the week before. Now, instead of sending him back to school so you can get YOUR work done, you’re on…still. Without a break from the prior week when you counted the minutes until you would pack his lunch and send him on his way to school for the day. You’re spent, but there are no days off when it comes to motherhood. You continue caring for your child, which is exactly what you want to be doing, but you need help, too. The lesson I’ve learned is that it is your partner’s job to make up the 95% in other ways, to see what you’re behind on, and compensate or fill in because in one day, there is only 100% to give. It’s now your partner’s job to take care of you or stand in for you however possible. The two of you need to figure out how to make it work so one person is not so heavily tipped on the scale that it will take weeks to get back up again.
That's why we created the New Mama Deck – To remind you to take care of yourself
New Mama was not created, I repeat not created, to give you one more thing to do. Instead, it was created to reprioritize yourself in the chaos that is parenthood and life. And to remind yourself that your needs must be part of the equation. In other words, take time to yourself. Prompts like “Give Yourself Permission to Do Nothing Without Feeling Guilty,” “Reach Out to a Friend,” or “Find a Good Book to Read and Read It,” are just some of the prompt cards New Mama Deck suggests. It’s not another thing on your to-do list, it’s a form of self-care. And as we said earlier, a happy baby starts with a happy mom. So, go ahead and ask for help. You don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t need to post every “perfect” shot to Instagram. Just take care of yourself. And set an example that reminds others that there is no guilt in doing just that.
Read more from Danica Carson
Danica Carson, Co-Owner and Creator of Hack Decks™
Danica Carson is the Co-Owner and Creator of Hack Decks™, a line of prompt cards designed to simplify life and reduce stress. Hack Decks™ is owned by The Uncluttered Life, Inc., a boutique organizing company based in Dallas-Fort Worth specializing in optimization, efficiency, and home function. The flagship product, Declutter Deck®, was created as an exclusive tool for clients, to get and stay organized in all aspects of the home.
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