Written by: Florence Dambricourt, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Our session coming to an end, I paused: “Ash. What has been the most useful for you today?” With a beaming and relaxed smile, Ash went on “The complaining. You have no idea!” Actually, “I have”, came up straight to my mind, but this was not the point, and I let Ash rambling passionately. “Oh yeah. I love how you create that space, fully safe, where I can let myself moan free of judgments. Even mine.” I smile, Mona Lisa like, keeping my little secrets. “Great Ash. What else do you want to add to this?” I dig a bit deeper of course, that’s my thing, digging to the really impactful element of one’s story. This time, Ash pauses. I can see a breath being taken, slow and wide, shoulders dropping as Ash moves back into the learning space we created with our conversation. “That thing you keep talking about, taking that moment to stop the time and reflect. I am so into moving, getting that hamster wheel bringing my company somewhere. But here, it’s always different. You got that way to stop time with your questions, that I can properly look back. You do that same thing when you work with my team. Suddenly we have time and we can take that view from the balcony looking at the horizons.” I let silence settles with that last sentence, like an extra minute in between time.
In-between Times
This has always been for me what reflecting is about, taking an extra moment in between time. It’s like stepping aside, or sometimes going up, like looking from a balcony. Whatever way I choose to do it, the outcome is constant: being able to see where I am at, what has happened, and even what could be coming at the horizon. And this, taking a moment to pause and look back, is the last one of my three habits which can set you up for success.
The Other Two?
First. Learn. Explore and activate your curiosity mindset. Second. Practice. Choose some learning to focus on, and using this notion of “deliberate practice”, really give it a go, and play with the knowledge you just acquired. And then. Third. Reflect. Take a moment to pause and look back, either stepping aside or looking from the balcony.
Taken together, as three consecutive steps, these habits create a circle of learning, nurturing each other. In fact, without them, and the circle of experiences they create, you can even forget about truly learning. You will instead acquire knowledge, without any integration.
You can of course apply these habits separately, especially the last one, reflection. I do love having weekly moments of reflection, where I simply assess what has happened through the week, unconnected with any specific learning.
Taking them independently or in a 3-step circle creates different outcomes. Note though, that as soon as you start using them, you create focus and intention. And this is something really strong.
Let’s go back then to this circle of learning and our three habits.
1. Learn. Explore, And Activate Your Curiosity Mindset
This first step is about knowledge, acquiring new knowledge, tools, ideas, or tips.
We have many options to do that nowadays. It can be through – reading – surfing the internet intentionally – observing people on the job – watching a video – taking some formal training – you name it. We look for something we do not know. Ideally, we choose something we are interested in – at least interested in the outcomes possible with that new learning – and we get cracking. For instance, I may not want to learn about the existing differences in communication styles, but I may be interested in becoming better at communicating with many diverse people and learning the different communication styles can prove useful. This is enough to activate my curiosity. I act and explore.
Personally, unless I am exhausted, I have my curiosity mindset always on. My nieces will tell you, “As soon as Florence comes across something she is not aware of, she either asks questions or picks up her phone and goes on the Net. Sometimes, she is just like a “curiosity feeding machine.” (Laughs)
Learning is great. Fun. At the same, I may not want to apply everything I am learning. And my next question is always “Do I want to use this information? Would it bring value to practice those skills?”. When I have a yes, I move to step 2.
2. Practice. Choose Learnings To Focus On, And Apply Some Deliberate Practice
When it comes to sports or music, we are very familiar with this notion of deliberate practice. It refers to a special type of practice that is purposeful and systematic. While regular practice might include mindless repetitions, deliberate practice requires focused attention and is conducted with the specific goal of improving performance.
As a kid, I remember spending hours at my piano working one single line of music until my fingers knew each note from inside out, eyes closed or open. I was deliberate in moving my fingers. I was deliberate in the sequence of the notes. Therefore, I knew exactly what was not working at times, and I could work on it.
We want to use the same mechanism and intention when working on applying our learnings, either a new move on the dancefloor or our soft skills and self-leadership competency.
Let’s say, I want to improve my capability to listen during meetings. With so many ideas passing through my head, my thoughts racing one after another, I know that this is something that can be tricky for me. Looking at a list of tips to listen better, I can find “Avoid speaking and only listen during meetings”. This goes against my spontaneous way of interacting, which makes it a great element to use for deliberate practice. The following week, I went on and applied it through every single meeting I had. I logged in, said “Hi”, replied when asked, and “Bye”.
Now, doing just that without reflecting on it would not be half as efficient. This is where the third habit comes in.
3. Reflect. Take A Moment To Pause And Look Back
Yeap. This is about stopping the hamster wheel. It is not about stopping movement, only giving it a pause. It can be a 5-minute pause or a full-day pause. You have to find the way that works for you, and for the time of reflection you need.
When I practiced this tip through meetings to “avoid speaking unless asked to”. I took 5 minutes at the end of every meeting, to scribble a few things – how did I feel (the type of emotions) – what did I notice different by not speaking – On a scale from 1 to 10, my perception of how useful it was to use this tip. Then at the end of the week, I took something like 15 minutes to look at all my notes and assess whether using this tip was interesting, or not.
Easy and sweet, right?
If I was to describe the process in 5 easy steps, I would list
Give you X minutes where you won’t be disturbed
Thinking about the experience you want to reflect on, write any emotions that come up spontaneously
Assess how easy/not so easy, you found applying that skill and maintaining your deliberate practice.
Identify what worked, or did not work. This is key. You want to identify what is useful to adopt versus what can be ditched. If it feels appropriate, even look for elements that may be interesting to explore differently.
Breathe in and out, and give yourself a pat on the back for doing some great work.
I have several moments of reflection in a day, in a week, in a month, and even in a year. Daily and weekly, I do not plan them any longer. I trust they happen, and I have built up the capacity to use any single moment available for those. It may be – walking to pick up my bus – taking those 5 minutes when closing my PC and planning the next day – doing the dishes looking back at the day – specifically, as described above, at the end of some deliberate practice, etc. However, when getting started, you may find it useful to schedule some of these moments in your calendar, ensuring you have a notification popping up. The notification will act as a nudge to keep your focus on.
For more ideas on how to build that habit of taking a moment to pause, I recommend this great book Step Back: Bringing the Art of reflection into your busy Life from Joseph L. Badaracco. Short, and concise, the book is built on interviews with CEOs and Leaders who shared their own reflection practice, and their tips to implement it as a habit.
Going Further?
When you see it as a good move, you can complement these three habits with that fourth one, extracting our famous positive learnings and constructive intentions. I talked about it in my previous article “Discover What Positives Learnings Can Do For You”.
In our circle of learning, this will come in a fourth position and will be done at the same time as the reflection time. I use it either as an extra reflecting activity, focusing on acquired learning for the future, or as a step to identify elements I want to explore with my first habits. Both ways help build extra information in the database of my brain so that I can have more choices available to me on how to respond to the situation. Do you know what I love most about this circle of learning? Each time you are running it, you expand the size of your comfort zone. You expand your choices of possible. Beautiful. Right?
There are many more tips and changes of perspectives we work on when developing our self-leadership.
When you’re ready to explore fully how you could increase your self-leadership, get my book Swim Like a Fish, an easy guide to developing your self-leadership, or reach out to get information on the next program starting date. There is always a cohort around the corner waiting for you to join so that you can learn how to swim like a fish through your life.
*Funny enough, you will soon notice that all my clients have the first name, Ash (Smile).
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Florence Dambricourt, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Passionate about human and their brain. Fanatic (nearly :-)) ultra-trail runner. Florence Dambricourt is an accomplished Speaker, Self-Leadership Coach, Team Coach and Company Culture Change Enabler. Her career, in zig-zag spans over 25 years, navigating through various corporate worlds and entrepreneurship experiences. Driven by curiosity and a very strong intention to “make a difference for the better”, Florence helps her clients finding clarity, so that they can shape their future. With two books published on Self-Leadership, “Swim Like a Fish” and “Speak Like a Fish”, Florence not only champions Self-Leadership, she provides a robust methodology, and with-it tools, to develop or strengthen it. She sees Self-Leadership as a must-have competency for everyone. Her mission? "Unleashing the power of Human Innovation thanks to Self-Leadership”.
