Dr. Donya Ball is transformative superintendent, renowned for her leadership expertise, keynote speaking, and executive coaching. Author of Adjusting the Sails (2022) and Against the Wind (2023), she captivates audiences and readers globally for her thought leadership, including her TedXTalk, "We are facing a leadership crisis. Here's the cure."
Leadership comes with the heavy burden of being in the public eye, where every decision is scrutinized, and criticism is inevitable. Whether you're a school principal, a general manager, or an executive, the reality is that people will disagree with your decisions, and a few might even express their dissatisfaction in ways that feel personal. This guide, adapted from the first chapter of Adjusting the Sails: Weathering the Storms of Administrative Leadership, and leadership workshop provides practical strategies and insights to help you navigate these challenges with confidence.
By understanding the roots of criticism and applying proactive leadership techniques, you can maintain your integrity, build stronger relationships, and continue leading with purpose.
1. Understand the nature of criticism
Social categorization is a psychological process where people automatically classify others based on shared characteristics, such as profession, race, gender, or even opinions. This grouping can lead to biases and preconceived notions about individuals simply because they belong to a particular category.
Social categorization plays a significant role in how leaders are perceived and criticized. Here's how it works.
Group identity and biases
When you become a leader, you’re automatically categorized into a group (e.g., "the leaders"), which carries certain biases based on people’s past experiences. This means you might face criticism not because of your actions, but because of preconceived notions tied to your role.
Us vs. them mentality
Social categorization fosters an "us vs. them" mindset, where leaders are viewed as separate from the community or employees. This division makes it easier for people to criticize or oppose your decisions, as they perceive them as coming from an outsider group.
Resistance to Change
People often resist change, and as a leader representing change, you may face criticism simply because you challenge the status quo. Understanding this helps you realize that criticism is often less about you personally and more about the role and changes you represent.
Stop & ask yourself
How might people's past experiences with leaders influence their perception of me, and what can I do to build trust despite these biases?
Am I allowing an 'us vs. them' mentality to affect my leadership approach, and how can I foster more unity between myself and those I lead?
2. Build resilience over time
Now that you know you’re in an unpopular position, how do you build enough resilience to not only survive but thrive as a leader? Having "thick skin" isn’t sufficient to thrive as a leader. Instead, you’ll need to develop mental stamina and emotional intelligence to handle the criticism you will inevitably face.
Accept the reality of criticism
One of the first steps to building resilience is understanding that criticism and being disliked are inevitable parts of leadership. As soon as we choose to go into leadership, we choose to take on the role of being an unpopular person. Recognizing this reality helps you prepare mentally and emotionally for the challenges ahead, rather than being caught off guard.
Develop a realist mindset
Resilient leaders are realists who acknowledge both the good and the bad in every situation. It is the realists who can see the good and the bad, and who can typically weather the storms without going overboard. Accept that not every challenge has a perfect solution, and sometimes, the goal is to manage the situation as best as possible rather than to "win.”
Focus on what you can control
Part of resilience is knowing where to direct your energy. You have to navigate the crucible of leadership with strategy and resilience. This involves focusing on what you can influence, like relationships and communication, while letting go of things beyond your control, like other people's biases or unreasonable expectations.
Stop & ask yourself
How can I shift my mindset to focus on what I can control rather than getting overwhelmed by criticism or challenges beyond my influence?
What is a low-risk, high-challenge personal goal I could set for myself to build mental stamina to overcome high-stress leadership situations consistently?
3. Become a proactive leader
Now you know; that criticism is inevitable and you have to build mental resilience to thrive under pressure. The next step is learning how to be a proactive leader. Being proactive means building strong relationships before challenges arise, using clear language, and focusing on what you can control. By fostering trust and maintaining open communication in your organization, you create a foundation that helps you navigate tough situations with confidence and resilience.
Build relationships before you need them
Proactive leadership means fostering strong relationships with your stakeholders–before any issues arise. We must be intentional about building relationships before we need them. So that when crazy things come up, they know and already believe in you. This groundwork builds trust, making it less likely that people will react negatively when difficult decisions need to be made.
Maintain emotional bank accounts
Emotional bank accounts are where positive interactions and goodwill deposits can buffer against future criticism. By consistently showing that you care and are acting in the best interests of your team or community, you build a reserve of trust. Then, when you face tough decisions, people are more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt rather than becoming "haters."
Use proactive language
Using proactive language and focusing on what you can control can make or break a relationship with your stakeholders. Here’s an example: Rather than saying, 'It’s not my fault,' try, 'Here’s what I can do.' This reframing helps you take ownership of situations, manage people’s concerns, and keep them engaged positively, reducing the chance for negativity to snowball.
Daily practices
Take 10 minutes to list the key people or groups you interact with. Next to each name, write down one action you can take this week to strengthen your relationship with them. It could be a positive interaction, offering support, or even just checking in. Doing this will build trust and you’ll be depositing into their "emotional bank accounts."
For the next 24 hours, consciously replace reactive phrases (e.g., "I can’t do that" or "It’s not my fault") with proactive ones (e.g., "Here’s what I can do" or "I understand your concern, and I’ll address it by"). Pay attention to how shifting your language impacted your interactions and see if it reduced tension or improved communication.
Criticism is part of the job, but by being proactive, building strong relationships, and staying focused on what we can control, we can navigate the toughest challenges with confidence.
Great leaders are developed over time through consistent, empathetic, and authentic practices.
Dr. Donya Ball, Leadership Expert, Motivational Speaker & Author
Dr. Donya Ball is a renowned keynote speaker, transformative superintendent, and passionate author. With over two decades of experience, she also serves as a professor and executive coach, mentoring and guiding aspiring and seasoned leaders. She has authored two impactful books, Adjusting the Sails (2022) and Against the Wind (2023), which address real-world leadership challenges. Her expertise has garnered national attention from media outlets like USA Today and MSN. Dr. Ball’s TEDxTalk, "We are facing a leadership crisis. Here’s the cure," further highlights her thought leadership.
