Written by: Hayley Simons, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Move over, old-school parenting! Millennial parents are taking the reins with a fresh, more progressive approach to raising kids. Say goodbye to punishment, timeouts, and threats. Hello to positive discipline and treating kids with dignity and mutual respect, regardless of their age.
These modern mamas and dads want their little ones to grow up with a sense of purpose, confidence, and doing good because good is good to do! They're all about modeling kindness and integrity and building intrinsic motivation in their kiddos.
Their secret weapon? Intentional communication that builds a healthy parenting relationship rooted in empathy, vulnerability, and awareness of their inner child so they can begin to break those unhelpful parenting patterns holding them back from building the relationship they desire. It's a brave new world, folks!
Here’s how they’re doing it
1. Validating their child’s experiences
When we validate a child’s feelings, we take away 50% of their angst because it shows them that we are on their team and that we understand. Validating feelings will also help keep that wall of defense down and they will be more open to hearing what we are saying. Providing validation does not need to solve someone’s problem or give them what they want when they want it, we are simply reflecting how much we understand!
“It’s tough when we have to wait our turn.”
“I hear you, it’s hard to brush your teeth when you’re tired.”
“You don’t want to go to school today, I hear you.”
“You didn’t like it when the fire alarm went off, you weren’t expecting that to happen, and it was too loud on your ears.”
2. Catching their child doing good
It’s easy for us to notice the challenging behaviours, but what you focus on, you tend to see more of. Instead, celebrate small victories along the way, rather than always waiting for the finished product or behaviour to be perfect. Kids need to know they can be successful – this boosts motivation and gives them an opportunity to feel proud of themselves.
If they struggle to remember after-school tasks and complete a task one time, you can say, “thank you for remembering to bring your lunch bag to the sink today.”
If strong sibling relationships are an important value in your family, you can say, “I saw you talking to your baby brother while you were playing, look at the smile on his face, he’s happy you included him.”
After your child had a tantrum and told you how they were feeling, “You told me you were feeling angry and sad instead of using your hands to hit. Thank you for telling me.”
“Your hug in the morning helps me work during the day.”
The behaviours you focus on, you see more of!
3. Assuming less and listening more
Children have the same desire to be heard as adults do, and need to know from us that their voice matters. Often, we make assumptions about what our children are going to ask, say, or do, and we prematurely shut them down instead of actively listening. Instead, it’s important to offer up the most generous interpretation of what our child is communicating to us, and we can do that by slowing down, making eye contact, and letting them finish their sentence before we respond.
Life gets busy, so in those moments where you just need to get something finished, you can say, “what you have to say is important to me. Keep that thought in your brain and once I’m done making supper, I’ll be ready to listen.”
Implementing these 3 tools can make a dramatic difference in our parent-child relationships, improve communication, boundary setting, and cooperation!
If you want to learn more, email me here.
Hayley Simons, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Hayley Simons is a Parent Coach and expert in child sleep, behaviour, and development. After experiencing the loss of her mom as a child, and the birth and loss of her first baby, she became committed to raising her family with intention, vulnerability, and attachment science in mind. She has Bachelor's and Master's degrees in Child Development and is a Child Sleep Consultant and Behaviour Specialist. She is owner of Hayley the Parent Coach in Manitoba, Canada, providing consultation and support to parents raising babies and children through the early years. These parents are inspiring – committed to breaking generational parenting patterns and striving to parent differently for the next generation.
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