Written by: Amy Deards, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You are determined that this year is going to be your year. You’ve set your goals and you’ve even created a clear plan on how you are going to achieve them but somehow it’s not quite working as you planned. No matter what you do or try, your motivation has vanished and you’re slowly ending up back exactly where you started.
It’s almost as though it’s happened without you even knowing why or how. It’s frustrating, demotivating and leads to an incredible amount of negative self-talk that you wonder if it will ever be your time to shine. So, why does it happen?
“All of our actions can signify self-love or self-sabotage.” ‒ Sharon Salzberg
In a nutshell, we sabotage ourselves, and for a whole host of reasons. Fear of success, fear of failure, feeling unworthy of the result, feeling shame or guilt for wanting something better for ourselves, all contribute to us sabotaging our own success. The problem is though most of us aren’t even aware of these fears. So desperate for the end result, on a conscious level we think we are doing everything right. It’s the subconscious that drives our behaviour though, which is why we end up back in bad habits and doing the things we know keep us exactly where we don’t want to be.
The question is, how can we stop self-sabotaging when we aren’t even aware we are doing it? Well, there are three key behaviours to look out for.
1. Listening to your own excuses.
It’s cold, it’s dark, there’s snow on the ground and you had planned to go for a run this evening. So, you promise yourself you’ll do it tomorrow, except you may have to work late so that won’t work either…and so it begins. The list of excuses that you seem to find as to why you can’t do the things that you promised yourself that you would do. It happens so quickly that you aren’t even aware until it’s too late that you’ve sabotaged yourself.
Start to become aware of where you are finding reasons as to why you can’t do something that you said you would do. Of course, there will genuinely be things that crop up that are beyond your control, however that latest Netflix series will still be there when you get back from that run. Really question your thoughts and reasons; are they real or are you finding a way to get yourself out of it? Think how much more belief you will have in yourself if you stick to those promises you make. You wouldn’t let a friend down like that, so don’t do it to yourself either.
2. Finding fault where there is none.
So used to having everything go wrong, that when it actually starts to go right, you may find yourself picking fault. Maybe you pick a fight with your partner, maybe you get snappy with the kids, maybe you find fault with the house, or your clothes, or your job because that’s how it’s always been. Thoughts such as “nothing good ever happens for me” will be lurking around and if you believe that, you will make it happen, because that’s how your subconscious works. It wants to drag you back to where it knows you’re safe, even if you don’t like it.
Get really clear on your thoughts. Is there actually anything wrong with your new job, or is it just a bit uncomfortable for now? Is your partner really driving you mad or are they being supportive, and you just don’t know how to accept that? Are the kids any worse than they were before, or are you just trying to find an excuse? Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, focus on what’s going well.
3. Endless jobs lists
You know what you have to do, but somehow there is always a never-ending jobs list preventing you from doing it. You need to launch that new program or apply for that promotion, but you can’t possibly do that until the floors been washed, the laundry is all done, the food shopping is ordered, and the weeds have been removed from the garden. Really? This is quite possibly self-sabotage at its best. Procrastination. The fear of being judged, or no-one joining your program, or you not getting that job means you will do anything and everything to put it off.
Time to get honest with yourself. Are any of those tasks more important than you doing the thing that will help you to live your dreams? Or are you just a bit scared because you have no idea what will happen? It’s okay to feel scared but nothing will change unless you do them. What have you got to lose by trying? Nothing but maybe a whole lot to gain.
Amy Deards, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Amy Deards is an inspiration to many and in particular to the hundreds of women she supports with their mindset. As a recovering addict, she understands the work and dedication it takes to overcome fear in the face of adversity. The techniques and strategies she uses are leading the way for women to Become their most authentic and confident selves so they too can fulfill their dreams. Her mission is to show that no matter where you come from or what has happened, life can work for you and anything is possible.
