Written by: Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Cherophobia is the fear of happiness and what might result from being happy. Some of you might be shaking your heads in confusion at this point. Doesn’t everyone want to be happy?
Well, no, actually they don’t, and it’s far more common around the world than you may think. Recently, I have come across several people who have forgotten how to smile or have an optimistic outlook on life. Instead, the uncertainty of what is to come seems to be having a negative twist on their future perspective. As a result, mixed emotions can surface more often than not.
Let’s look at an example. One of my clients who developed lockdown social anxiety told me, 'I am happy to go out again and meet people, but I am worried about another lockdown, so I think it's best to avoid going out.'
The uncertainty of society continuing to return to normal and whether they really want that has left many feeling confused, anxious and numb. For some people, it has left them fearing the feeling of happiness again. It's hard for many, especially nowadays, to accept that just possibly the universe is on their side.
What is the fear of happiness?
This behaviour may seem like an irrational phobia; however, Cherophobia is something that many more people suffer from than you might think. And, surprisingly, they often simply endure it.
Think of it like this when someone thinks of the worst aspect of something, even when something good happens. Even if there is hope on the horizon, they feel they have to question it. Another way of putting it would be when people think something seems too good to be true, and most of the time, they start asking why.
Paul Gilbert, a psychiatrist at Kingsway Hospital, Derby in the UK, administered a study in 2012. It demonstrated a distinct category of the population who may believe that being happy for too long is not good for their emotional health.
Even if they do feel happy, they are more comfortable once that feeling vanishes. Because they believe that too much happiness can have terrible consequences. Also, communicating joy makes one an unfortunate person. Accordingly, there is a correlation between depression and Cherophobia.
As surprising as the above statement may sound, I can relate. Through my own experiences throughout my life, when I displayed happiness, people occasionally viewed it as inappropriate. Family or friends might ask why I was so happy or why was I laughing so much. They would often express their disapproval, and their misery impacted me. Ultimately, they made me unhappy.
Occasionally, inconceivable beliefs intrigue the minds of people. For instance, people may believe that only a silly or frivolous person with a naive mind would be pleased all the time. I am sure that on one occasion, even my ex-husband implied this to me. But he was a perfectionist. And we all know that perfection is a killer of dreams.
I soon realised that many people, particularly in Eastern culture, believe this about simple minds. I can only speak of my personal and professional experiences. However, people of my own Indian heritage that I have worked with professionally have displayed that a happy person is only happy if they have already fulfilled what they have accomplished. There can be a common belief that they won’t aspire to work harder and strive for further success once happiness is achieved.
Consequently, they conveniently label cheerful people as lazy, careless, or foolish. I know from my personal experience that some people choose to turn their back on happiness. However, the most shocking thing that I have come across is learning that people are not convinced that anyone can ever be pleased. The more I investigated the idea of Cherophobia, I realised that this idea is not a new age thought. The fear of happiness is a familiar concept for many different people from all walks of life.
What is the link between Cherophobia and culture?
Studies have found that Cherophobia is a commonly understood concept in Eastern countries. A 2013 published study proved a strong correlation between fear and happiness is a transgenerational pattern. It depends on how those cultures conceive happiness and their beliefs around the idea. Mohsen Joshanloo administered this lesser-known fear of happiness across fourteen cultures in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology to help people comprehend if they suffered any symptoms of Cherophobia.
Findings showed that in Western society, according to Braun (2000), there is a widespread awareness that happiness is the absolute life goal and 'one to which all humans strive'. But in non-Western cultures, happiness is promoted in an individualistic way compared to somewhat collective cultures.
For example, in the USA and European cultures, it is found that these are individualistic societies. And within that person's network, needs and intentions such as family, peer groups, or community take an inferior position compared to each individual's rights, freedom, and personal preferences (Suh & Oishi, 2002).
Collective, cooperative societies such as East Asia and Central/South America stress the desires and aspirations of a value within their group over the individual's beliefs. As such, I again find this to be true because, within my own Indian culture, I know both as a professional therapist and as an Indian woman that we live the majority of our lives pleasing others. Ultimately, it’s firmly embedded into our thoughts to emphasise belonging and have peace and respect, especially with the elders.
Compared to western society, I can say from experience that it is known that they think individually about their happiness. People of non-western cultures are more likely to feel that everyone else's happiness comes before their own, which is occasionally harmful to social harmony. (Uchida, Norasakkunkit, & Kitayama, 2004).
This notion that happiness may not be a priority in Eastern cultures is hardly surprising given the fertile social bases for the concept of Cherophobia to exist. Apart from that, there is a belief that sadness usually follows happy events, as expressed in a qualitative study by Uchida and Kitayama (2009). Furthermore, it is found that the Japanese feel that happiness can contribute to adverse outcomes because it causes distraction from their surroundings.
I have found personally that success and happiness shown externally is to be avoided because it may lead to envy. The positive effect linked with joy counterbalances the negative feelings of remorse and contention from my experience of being Indian and working with East Asian cultures.
In both Western and Non-Western cultures, some people suspect that being happy can make someone worse (both morally and otherwise). For example, according to Ben-Shahar (2002), people may fear happiness because they would feel guilty if they were to achieve it; individuals may feel morally wrong being happy because they know others are suffering.
There is also a fear of displaying success and the dread of any happiness as this may cause Nazar.
Nazar is used to indicate one affected by the evil eye (jealousy) when the envious glances of others can cause your downfall. So the elders of many non-western cultures feel the only protection one has from the evil eye of others is not to display any joy or happiness. Therefore, they may also avoid discussing the successes or achievements of those who display happiness.
Perfectionists may also have Cherophobia because they may believe happiness is associated with careless and unproductive people. Therefore, they may avoid activities that could bring joy to them because they are seen as useless as far as they are concerned. (Nall & Legg, 2017).
I have a client like this.
A famous sportsperson, she has a physically healthy lifestyle where she participates in world sporting events. Her home life is good. She claims to be highly fortunate. However, she is unhappy because she's not been able to find a suitable partner.
During therapy, her response to me was that she sees people as boring, and no one seems to be good enough. She is aware that it sounds terrible when she speaks of other potential partners this way.
When asked what she wants, she responds, 'someone who is like me'—a male version of herself. My response was, so you want someone who’s unhappy?
That helped her to realise that there have been many dates who have enjoyed being in her company. But she can’t comprehend their joy as normal behaviour because it’s an unfamiliar concept to her. She fears her representation of it.
The thought of someone wanting to suppress happiness and take it away from others is enough to scare anyone off. No one feels they can be authentic around her as she rejects the joy that others express.
Although most of us experience this feeling from time to time, some people cannot get over it. So they actively avoid any joyous feelings just to avoid the bad feelings they get afterwards.
What can you do to get over the fear of happiness?
Here are five significant statements you should ask yourself to overcome Cherophobia?
Evaluate the symptoms of Cherophobia by asking yourself if these statements are true or false for you:
I desire not to be highly positive or happy because usually, joy is followed by sadness.
Crises frequently follow good prosperity.
Unreasonable happiness has some terrible consequences.
The more optimistic and joyful I am, the more I should anticipate bad things arising in my life.
Having tons of joy and pleasure can cause awful stuff to happen.
How many do you believe to be true? Or false? If you have 3 or more that are true to you, it could be that you have a misperception of happiness, and you may need to switch your thoughts to understand why you feel fearful. Perhaps examine who you are, become self-aware, accepting and learn to self-love.
It is essential to point out that there is no need for therapy if you believe you have Cherophobia! Because for some people, averting happiness can make them feel actively content and more secure. However, if you experience symptoms of Chemophobia that interfere with your quality of life, such as pleasing others, perfectionism or fear of other people's reactions towards you or and social anxiety, please seek help from a qualified mental health professional.
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Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist, helping people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered Perinatal Anxiety, she focused on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help rewire the THREE Brains (the head, the heart, and the gut). She has been featured in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, Thrive Global, and The London Economic. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, lessons on Anxiety, providing quick fixes to help people radically change their minds so that they can change their life.
