Written by: Rozanna Wyatt, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“You can motivate yourself without self-criticism.”
Let that settle in for a moment.
In my private psychotherapy practice, I have the privilege of working with ambitious, high-achieving women. And while their achievements, experiences, and stories are uniquely theirs, many share this one thing in common.
They motivate themselves with self-criticism.
There’s no denying they’ve achieved more than the average person or overcome adversities you’d never imagine from their outer appearances, so why change the inner critic that’s been their biggest cheerleader for some, the vast majority of their life?
The truth is that a negative voice cheering you on is anything but motivating. It’s debilitating and self-destructive in so many ways. It’s the silent killer of your motivation, self-esteem, and ability to lead and perform at your best.
Self-criticism makes pursuing your goals more difficult. Instead of focusing on what’s possible and what you’re capable of, your brain focuses on everything you didn’t do or thinks about what could go wrong. This fuels the fear of failure, which distracts you from executing essential tasks.
Self-criticism puts you at risk of general and performance anxiety, impacting your ability to focus, set goals, and lead others effectively. And over time, self-criticism erodes your self-esteem and confidence because despite what you might be able to achieve, you still never feel good enough and thus never perform at your best.
I understand you might be concerned that if you no longer use self-criticism to motivate yourself, you might become complacent, but I’m here to tell you that is the opposite of the truth.
Instead, when you motivate yourself from a place of self-compassion, it shifts the brain from a state of negativity and over-arousal (i.e., fight-fright-freeze response) to calm confidence, clarity, and increased resilience. And these are essential to a leader’s performance.
Here are four ways to motivate yourself from a place of self-compassion so you can feel and perform at your best.
Reflect Outward Then Inward
When the inner critic starts to roar, it’s time to change your negative self-talk because your thinking drives how you feel and how you feel impacts how you behave (aka perform). You can do so by asking yourself, “What advice would I give to a friend or colleague in this situation?” Say that advice out loud or write it down, and then give that same advice to yourself.
Release The Mask Of Super Competence And Over Achievement
If you’re like many of my clients, you might spend little time acknowledging what you’ve achieved and instead quickly set and strive to accomplish the next big goal. But unfortunately, the never-ending pattern of hustle and grind has become for many an unconscious need for recognition from others to fill the void of never feeling good enough. One antidote is to turn inward and identify with the traits and skills that make you uniquely you instead of identifying with external achievements and accolades. Another remedy is to practice self-kindness by recognizing everyone has setbacks and ebbs and flows in motivation and reminding yourself no human being can be “on” at all times.
Rearrange The Things That Matter
When self-criticism is used as a motivational tool, it can result in a perpetual sense of emptiness and a lack of fulfillment in one’s life due to a lack of alignment with what someone’s externally achieving and what really matters to them. To experience more fulfillment requires someone to stop running away from something. Instead, you want to run toward something because it ignites a stronger and more sustainable internal desire, given what you’re running towards matters to you versus the world around you. This will help keep you motivated when bringing goals to fruition takes longer than you desire.
Resolve The Inner Critic Root
The fear of failure often appears on the surface to be the obstacle many high-achievers are struggling with. However, having worked with hundreds of clients over the years, the real problem is often the sense of not being good enough in the absence of x, y, and z. Until a conscious or unconscious negative cognition such as “I’m not good enough” is resolved, little will change because it’s what’s driving someone’s internal operating system. Working with a therapist with advanced training in a treatment modality such as EMDR therapy can assist in rewiring the brain to eliminate the negative beliefs and fears (i.e., fear of failure or fear of rejection) that coincide. Ultimately, EMDR therapy resolves the root of the unconscious and debilitating impact of believing you’re not good enough, transforming your abilities as a leader from the inside out.
If you’re ready to experience real change to feel and perform at your best in all areas of your life, book a complimentary consultation at www.rozannawyatt.com, and learn how an EMDR Therapy Intensive can resolve your blocks in as little as three days.
Rozanna Wyatt, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Rozanna Wyatt is a Licensed Therapist and highly sought Global Coach who specializes in helping ambitious, high-achieving women confidently go after what they want in business and life. Drawing from her sixteen years of experience working those who have done the unimaginable (we're talking murder), entrepreneurs, athletes, professionals and corporate leaders, she enables her clients to experience mindset breakthroughs that allow them to turn their lives around, resolve years of emotional pain, be happy, 10x their business, win national awards, and more. Rozanna has a master’s degree in social work, as well as specialized training in leadership and high performance.
Rozanna’s expertise has been featured in the media in Forbes, Addicted2Succcess, Thrive Global, and Authority Magazine. When she’s not keeping up on the latest research around positive psychology and human behavior, you can find her playing with her furbaby or sipping vanilla lattes in her favorite coffee shops in Canada.
