15 Subconscious Blocks To Having Your Baby And Unlocking Fertility
- Brainz Magazine
- Jan 15
- 18 min read
Danijela is an award-winning therapist, educator, public speaker, and contributor to revolutionising mental health and fertility therapy, and creator of an innovative approach to helping women overcome mental barriers to conception and pregnancy. She has developed a course that upskill professionals to achieve great results with pregnancy issues.
“As a therapist, I believe that the only time we have the opportunity to participate in God's miracle of creation is by helping people conceive.”
Do you ever feel like nature, or something else, has excluded you from the possibility of having a baby? The truth is, if you’ve received the vague diagnosis of ‘unexplained infertility’ or ‘secondary infertility,’ you still may not have a clear explanation for why you’re not conceiving. This, understandably, remains concerning for you. You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know its root cause, and this uncertainty can leave you emotionally, physically, spiritually, and even financially drained.
You may find yourself struggling with consequential feelings and challenges, such as sadness at the thought of not having children; fear that, without children, your life won’t have meaning and purpose; feelings of being ‘broken’ or believing something is wrong with you or your body; anxiety and the fear that you’re running out of time; or a sense of hopelessness and helplessness.
Don’t worry, there is hope! There is no such thing as unexplained infertility, as there is always a reason. It is not necessarily medically based and can often be addressed through therapy and techniques. Perhaps you’ve been told that you will become pregnant when you relax about it, but that is far from the truth. You will become pregnant when you are expecting a baby, not dreaming, not hoping, not wishing, but truly expecting! That means feeling, seeing, and knowing that a baby is on its way to you. Expecting a baby is more than just believing; it is knowing it will happen. To reach this point, you need to reprogram your mind and adopt a fertility mindset. The living legacy of trauma often reveals itself through symptoms and pain. Trauma is encoded in our DNA, remaining hidden to serve certain functions. The most important fight in life is to transform darkness into light, wounds into life, and trauma into miracles. Even if we don’t remember or fully understand a traumatic event, the psychological wounds it leaves behind remain in our bodies, souls, and minds, producing effects that influence us deeply.
What are subconscious blocks?
Our subconscious mind is an amazing paradox. It does not have any ability to reason by itself, but it still possesses an incredible number of abilities and factors of intelligence. The mind’s number one job is to keep us alive on the planet and it will do anything to achieve this. Subconscious blocks are often used by the mind to form a defense mechanism when dealing with emotional pain and dysfunctional situations ranging from betrayal, abuse, rejection, grief and loss, and many more. However, the subconscious mind is not always logical and reasonable when signaling these defense mechanisms. Subconscious blockages may root from any of the following: unresolved emotional issues, negative experiences from the past, toxic personal beliefs, self-defeating behaviors and patterns.
Your subconscious beliefs about pregnancy, motherhood, and raising children could be the mental block to having your perfect baby. The subconscious does what it’s supposed to do, how it is programmed to work. The best analogy is with artificial intelligence. Artificial intelligence is an amazing platform capable of performing millions of calculations per second, but it is completely indifferent whether it is necessary to solve the problem of world hunger or to start a nuclear war. The subconscious mind is equally happy when it builds and when it destroys the body because it will only create what it is programmed to create. This is precisely why our subconscious mind is sometimes working against our wishes and intentions, even when we want something so desperately as conception. The subconscious mind only applies the programmes installed.
What subconscious blocks are stopping you from having a baby?
The fact that trauma can be transformed, the fact that we can release trauma, is a reminder that trauma pushes us with its force to create a new beginning of life. When we are facing an illness, it's like the human body is becoming a word or becoming a speech with no single word used. That is why our illnesses are actually the untold stories of our souls. Trauma always represents losing a part of our soul, losing something that we dreamed about, something that we wanted, something that we loved, something we hoped for. The illness always points the finger at a place where a person feels weak and small. Illnesses in the pelvic and reproductive system are always pointing the finger at a loss of power, buried emotions, unhealed traumas, and suppressed emotions. The reproductive system is not a necessity for us to stay alive, so that's one of the first systems to be affected.
The most common mental blocks to having your baby
Prenatal trauma and birth trauma.
Fear of hospitals.
Fear of age.
Guilt from abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth.
Pregnancy-related fears.
Fear of losing control over your body.
Fear of being a bad parent.
Fear your baby will grow up and reject you.
Fear of passing on a genetic illness.
Fear of abandonment.
Fear of your baby interfering in your relationship.
Fear of your own mortality or illness.
Fear of postpartum depression.
Fear of losing identity outside of motherhood.
Fear of baby interfering in your relationship.
Common subconscious blocks that are stopping you from having a baby
1. Prenatal trauma
Intrauterine life, or life in the womb, carries with itself many untold stories that pull the invisible strings in your life. Trauma pulls the invisible threads of the secret life of our soul, which may be stronger than the life we actually live. We can talk about prenatal memories in terms of cellular memories. Prenatal experiences shape how subsequent life experiences are perceived. Women whose babies experienced violence in the womb experience the birth as very traumatic. When prenates experience severe forms of traumatisation, they are also likely to perceive subsequent events in similar contexts. This is especially true when subsequent events are stressful life transitions such as birth, adolescence, first jobs, new relationships, and or when subsequent events are symbolically similar to traumatizing events. For example, if pregnant women experience prenatal violence, then they are likely to experience life transitions such as birth in violent ways. Freud called this process recapitulation. Prenatal experiences are likely to have a lifelong impact when they’re followed by reinforcing conditions or interactional trauma. A group of European psychologists led by R. D. Laing and Frank Lake contended that prenatal memories are the most influential because they are the first. I will explain the link between prenatal trauma and pregnancy issues. Keep reading.
2. Guilt from a miscarriage or stillbirth as a mental block to pregnancy
Losing a baby is called invisible grief and loss. It is a death a woman experiences in her own body. There is no death a woman experiences more intimately than one that literally passes through her. It is very traumatic and overwhelming, and many women in this situation tell themselves, ‘I can never go through this again.’ This is a direct instruction to the mind to ensure you never go through it again by never becoming pregnant again. When women have lost a baby at birth, they can feel terribly guilty and that their body failed the baby. They have more guilt and fear that having another child will make them forget the one they lost. On a subconscious level, they punish themselves by denying themselves another baby, even though they’re unaware that they’re doing this.
3. Fear of abandonment
If one or both parents abandoned you, this fear might carry greater validity. Adoption trauma is linked to a fear of abandonment. When children are adopted, they're likely to have experienced some level of abortion trauma; there may be some life abortion plans with no attempts or abortion ideations but no plans. This is the impact of prenatal trauma. All of these are traumatizing to varying degrees. It also can refer to fear that your partner might leave you with the baby.
4. Fear of losing control of your body
The fear that your own body might fail the baby and the fear of not having the same body again, both internally or externally.
5. Fear of birth
Women whose babies experienced violence in the womb experience the birth as very traumatic. The babies are aware of their mother's physical pain. They feel the birth is hurting her and feel guilty that they can not protect her. Amniocentesis needles are commonly perceived as aggressive and rejecting instruments. Anaesthetic procedures are often perceived as attempts to disempower or poison, which is a reflection of abortion trauma. Inductions and breaking waters are usually experienced as boundary violations. For example, one client of mine who had been exposed to chemical and mechanical abortion attempts experienced contractions as attempts to beat him to death and experienced anesthesia administrations as attempts to poison him. It is very important to understand that breathing babies are likely to experience the birthing process in terms of prior traumatization. This means that birth can be very traumatic simply based on personal history. Your own birth trauma produces its effects, especially if prenatal traumas preceded birth, but it also incorporates the fear of the unknown. The fear of birth is a common fear that is stopping you from getting pregnant. Fear of birth also includes the fear of the undurable, unbearable pain or that the baby might die. If you had difficult labor or pregnancy-related problems, it could be the cause of ‘secondary infertility.’
6. Fear of losing identity outside of motherhood
Many career women who are extremely involved in the birthing of their careers have difficulty becoming pregnant. Some men in the same position also experienced prostate problems and difficulty with sexual potency. I worked with a man who invested a great deal of time, energy, and money in planning a new business. Since he did not have enough money to start on his own, he sought financial backing from his friends. On the strength of their promised support, he made plans. After they all backed out, he was deeply hurt. He could not give birth to his business idea. And he carried the death of his plan like an energy abortion. His need to give birth to his business idea, which is equal in the male and female psyches, caused him to suffer energy abortion. Women are physical examples of the ongoing life pattern of energy becoming matter through pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Fear of losing your independence often affects career women. It includes the fear of losing financial independence, social life, and the freedom to travel and be spontaneous.
7. Guilt from abortion
Guilt from abortion also affects men on a subconscious level. I worked with a man whose wife once had an abortion without telling him because she felt the decision was hers alone. When he found out, he carried the energy of that abortion, the anger and guilt internally. As a result, he became impotent, and his body refused to produce life again. Emotions like anger and rage hit us specifically below the belt. Women who have abortions because their husbands reject them or the child or because they are terrified that they will be unable to provide a home for the child may have disorders of the reproductive system. A friend called me in to work with a client who had severe vaginal bleeding with no known physical cause. As I worked with her, I found out that she had two abortions, neither of which she had wanted. She broke down emotionally and outpoured the grief and guilt that had burdened her for years. These traumas were the subconscious cause of bleeding.
8. The inner child
Our inner child is a part of ourselves that has been present since we were conceived. This is why our prenate inner child needs to heal their wound from the womb. Our inner child lives in the reality of their childhood fears, feelings, and pain. To become aware of our subconscious fears and mental blocks, we have to become aware because our inner child lives in the reality of their childhood fears, feelings, and pain. Tubal problems and problems with fertility are centered on a woman’s inner child, while the tubes themselves are representative of unhealed wounds or unused energy. The flow of eggs can be blocked because a woman's own inner being is not old enough, nurtured enough, held enough, or mature enough to feel fertile. This subconscious program can underlie tubal problems. One part of a woman may remain in pre-puberty, due to her own unconscious indecision about her readiness to produce life, if on some level she's not ‘out of the egg herself’.
9. Intention is always the cause
Many women have been trying not to get pregnant for a very long time, and each time they take a birth control pill, it is a visual and mental contraception. At that moment, they did not make only one choice because their heart made a choice not to have a baby, their womb made a choice not to carry a baby, their body made a choice, their emotions made a choice, their conscience made a choice, namely ‘I don’t want a baby.’ This is a direct instruction to the mind to ensure you never become pregnant, and that subconscious program is still conditioning them many years later when they actually want to become mothers. Our subconscious mind, like a computer, applies the programs installed. Many women prayed not to be pregnant when they were teenagers, in their 20s or 30s. The intention is always the cause. This is why we need to help them reprogram their mind by becoming mentally fertile.
Prenatal trauma as a mental block for pregnancy
I worked with a client who did not want to be a mother. She told me that she didn't know why she never thought about having a child, while all her friends dreamed about it. Everyone condemned her, family and friends. During therapy, we found out that the cause of her resistance to motherhood was actually deeply rooted in the traumatic experience she went through when her mother was in about the sixth month of pregnancy. She accessed this fetal memory, which was her earliest experience of trauma. Her mother was beaten by her mother-in-law during pregnancy, and she, as a fetus, was trapped in her mother's stomach. She felt trapped, she felt scared, and overwhelmed with stress. She could only hear a huge noise because the only sense that is fully developed in the womb is hearing due to the amniotic fluid. My client accessed the earliest life experience, a life lesson from which subconscious beliefs were born. Subconscious beliefs that were born before my client, namely, ‘It is not safe to be pregnant,’ ‘You can die together with the baby,’ and ‘It's not safe to be a baby.’
These fetal memories, experiences, impulses, and emotions shaped my client's beliefs. Her subconscious mind was trying to protect her from ever again getting into a situation where she would be helpless and stuck. The response to the fear that makes us fight or run away from danger was not available to her. In the womb, she felt entrapped, powerless, small, unsafe, and helpless. She felt a deep-seated fear. She couldn’t rely on her own body to save her. Many people who experienced violence during their in-utero life or who have experienced abortion attempts would feel that this world is not a safe place. The belief that this world is not a safe place is common for many people and it can actually be conceived in the womb.
We are dealing with the primal fear, namely, not being able to defend ourselves.
The power of negative language
Doctors, nurses, and technicians can program women for perpetual infertility. The way some of these professionals speak to women can be very harmful and can lead them to fail fertility procedures.
These are the things doctors have actually said to my clients that didn’t help them boost fertility:
‘I doubt you have enough eggs at this point, so maybe you should look into other options.’
‘The IVF probably won’t even work for you, but you can try it if you want to. Let's just start right off with IVF; the other stuff doesn't really work anyway’.
‘You don’t want to get your hopes up you’re over 30’.
So they have a belief that ‘They are not capable,’ that ‘It is not likely to work,’ or ‘They are too old,’ or ‘That their body will fail them.’
The result is several rounds of IVF that don't work, unexplained infertility, and conception just never happens.
Your egg count indeed goes down quite a bit after 30, and so from a scientific perspective, the odds decrease, but that is just it; they are odds, and you only need one egg, just one! Give every thought observation, examination, evaluation, and reframe it. The statistics show that the IVF success rate is 25%, and what the patients hear is, ‘I have a 75% chance for failure’. When the mindset component is left out of fertility, it can be a bad prognosis. Your mind is so powerful and your mind is in every cell of your body. Three things are critical. The desire to have a baby, having the right beliefs, and creating an expectation that you will have your perfect baby. Whatever a mind can conceive and believe it can achieve. The first words we spoke were the words of our parents. This is how we were programmed by our parents. Be careful how you use the word ‘my.’ For example, my infertility, my tubal problems, my inability to conceive. ‘My’ is a possessive word and when you attach it to something you want to fix or remove in your life, the mind will not let go.
Related article: Revolutionizing Fertility Care
Tips on how to harness the power of your mind To stay pregnant
1. Understand the laws of the mind
The greatest power we possess is located in our subconscious mind, but our subconscious mind is an amazing paradox. It does not have any ability to reason by itself, but it still possesses an incredible number of abilities and factors of intelligence. Your subconscious mind has five internal senses: inner vision, inner hearing, inner smell, inner taste, and inner touch. We actually proved this by having it while we dream. How is this possible if we sleep? It is possible because you use the five subconscious senses of your subconscious mind. It is this potential where you can use your subconscious senses for the visualization process. This is why the key to using the power of your mind is in constant reprogramming for health, success, and offspring. To become aware that a dream is a dream, we must first wake up. Likewise, to become aware of our subconscious fears and mental blocks, we have to make them aware.
2. Practice visualization daily
Visualization is to see the invisible before you can do the impossible. It is controlled daydreaming with a purpose. When you create a vision of your baby, it must be specific, clear, and permeated with emotions. You must use your inner senses: inner vision, inner hearing, inner smell, inner touch, and inner taste for the visualization process. The goal is not to get pregnant but to give birth to a healthy baby. I always tell my clients this: Get pregnant with a vision. Your mind is the uterus. It is the creative center of your being. I tell my clients to be precise and clear when they create a vision, whether they want a boy, a girl, or twins. And for that, you need three visions. A vision of conception, a vision of a perfect pregnancy, and a vision of an easy birth. Visions must be frequently repeated because one of the laws of the mind is that the mind learns through repetition. Little girls mentally rehearse their future role as mothers through the mother-baby role play with dolls. It is also necessary to mentally rehearse the role of a pregnant woman holding the baby in her arms through the repetition of visions.
3. Imagination is more powerful than the logic-law of the mind
Your imagination has a dominant power over logic. Now, that is another law of the mind. If you imagine having a baby but are afraid of miscarriage and associate pain with pregnancy, then you will sabotage yourself on a subconscious level because the mind does not like conflicting beliefs. If on the other hand, you use your imagination to visualize how easily you conceive your baby naturally or through IVF, that you have a perfect pregnancy and a healthy baby, then you will create a positive expectation. Logic gets you predictable results, but imagination gives you extraordinary outcomes. There is a trio: a desire to have a baby, having the right beliefs, and having an expectation. You see, having a desire to have a baby, to hold the baby in your arms, integrates wonderful feelings, activates your imagination, and having the right beliefs creates a foundation, but having an expectation crates certainty because an expectation is more than believing it knows that it will happen.
4. Repetition: Law of the mind
Another law of the mind is that the mind learns through repetition. Use affirmations daily. An affirmation confirms a positive thought. Tell yourself: ‘I am pregnant,’ 'I am expecting a baby,’ ‘My embryo easily implants in my womb,’ and ‘My baby is growing healthy and strong in my belly.’ Your womb is an intelligent organ; it knows what to do and how to do it. Your mind is in every cell of your body, instruct and direct your womb to protect your baby, to ensure that it implants, attaches, and sticks and to nourish it and make sure it grows perfectly healthy for nine months. I always tell my clients, ‘Your mind is the womb.’ It is the creative center of your being. Get pregnant with a vision. Your baby also knows what to do and is developing and growing on target perfectly. Your baby will respond to your words and thoughts.
5. Expect a miracle & excite the mind
You will become pregnant when you are expecting a baby, not dreaming, hoping, not wishing, but expecting. That means feeling, seeing, believing, and knowing that the baby is on its way to you.
In November 2017, an American woman gave birth to a daughter after receiving a donated embryo that had been frozen for 25 years. She also made a vision of welcoming the embryo into her womb and seeing it as the baby’s first home.
It’s your womb, and you can make it just as receptive and welcoming as a happy and good place to be. I teach my clients this affirmation: ‘My embryo easily implants in my womb.’
Before trying to implant an embryo, she and her husband fostered several children and enjoyed doing so. They saw themselves as parents in every way. They fully accepted themselves as parents and they expected to become parents again. This explains why couples in the process of adoption often conceive and why many conceive naturally after a successful IVF baby. The oldest known frozen embryos that resulted in a successful birth in 2022 were 30 years old, according to the National Embryo Donation Centre. CNN Health-National Embryo Donation Centre.
I always teach my clients to expect a miracle. I share these stories of miracles and successful pregnancies that will excite their imagination and help them reimagine and restore their original fertility potential.
For the same reason, it is important to know the examples of famous people who managed to have children in their late 30s and 40s.
6. The mind always tries to move you away from pain & closer to pleasure: Law of the mind
All human pain is linked to loss. What if the pain is simply an alarm system? I love this acronym: Pay Attention Inwards Now. Pain can be the way that life is letting you know that there is an imbalance, a poor structure, or something that requires your attention. You see, all too often, we go to great lengths and efforts to avoid pain, dull pain, or numb pain without realizing it is a signal and that unattended pain, if not addressed, will become a problem. If you imagine having a baby but are afraid of miscarriage and associate pain with pregnancy, then you will sabotage yourself on a subconscious level because the mind does not like conflicting beliefs. My job in therapy is to help clients reprogram their minds by connecting pregnancy, motherhood, fertility, and raising children with pleasure.
Buying a few items in advance, like baby clothes or baby oil, before the baby's arrival is a mark of your faith that it will be born, while buying nothing is a mark of your fear that it may not arrive. Spending time with newborn babies and with your pregnant friends will help you sustain an expectation of having your own baby.
Whatever we carry and don’t heal in our own lives is passed down to others to inherit. Therefore, the greatest future investment is the echo of a positive legacy left behind.
7. Reprogram your mind by using award-winning therapy
I have received a 2024 Global Recognition Award for contributions to mental health and fertility therapy for my dedication to education and advocacy efforts and innovative approach to helping women overcome mental barriers to conception and pregnancy. I will give my lecture at the Hypno Expo in the spring.
I have developed a comprehensive course for therapists, coaches, and hypnotherapists, which demonstrates my dedication to revolutionizing fertility care.
This course equips and upskills professionals with the tools and knowledge necessary to help women eliminate mental blocks that hinder conception and pregnancy.
My mission is to help women struggling with fertility challenges by providing them with compassionate and nurturing therapy and embedding them with a positive mindset that will assist and facilitate conception and motherhood. I have created a course Fertility Mindset Mastery course- A Blueprint for Success©. It is a scientifically backed blueprint designed to turn despair into hope and struggles into success the course can help professionals to achieve outstanding and lasting results quickly. In this course, I share replicable steps you can use to create life-changing transformations and live an impactful, purpose-driven life.
My ongoing work promises to continue pushing the boundaries of mental health, offering hope and solutions to those facing fertility challenges. In my therapy sessions, I use the award-winning method of Rapid Transformational Therapy®. You can book a free consultation call here:
I had the honor to give a Premium Masterclass in RTT © School, founded by world-renowned and awarded therapist and bestselling author Marisa Peer. I will be giving a lecture at Hypno Expo 2025 on the 16th of May in Orlando, organized by (IACT) the International Association of Counsellors and Therapists.
Read more from Danijela Mrdak
Danijela Mrdak, Therapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Trauma And Fertility Therapist
Danijela Mrdak is an award-winning therapist, clinical hypnotherapist, and trauma and fertility therapist practicing the Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) method. She also holds a Masters in Law. She specialises in female fertility issues, including conception, IVF, pregnancy, and pre/post-natal issues.
She has had enormous success in helping women all over the world to conceive. Danijela has received awards and recognition for her extraordinary contributions to mental health and fertility therapy and for her innovative approach to helping women overcome mental barriers to pregnancy. She developed a comprehensive course specifically aimed at therapists, coaches, and hypnotherapists to support them in assisting women and conception.
