Written by: Jane Parker, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Many people have a list of what they would like in their ideal partner. But how do you know when you have found someone that will last the test of time?
What attributes are profoundly important in your marriage that will bring you the love and longevity that you long for in your marriage? When looks are faded and material desires are not as important, will your partner still be there, and will you still want them to be? How do you know when someone is a keeper? How do you know if your marriage can last?
When it comes to wondering if your marriage is, or would be successful, there are a few tell-tale signs that you and your partner have what it takes to make it work. In this article, we will explore some of the most important qualities you may have that will reassure you that you are on the right track for marriage success.
1. You make your marriage a priority
When you make your marriage a priority, it creates feelings of safety, certainty, and security. Your partner knows that they can rely upon you, they feel special and they have an underlying feeling that the marriage is solid.
Making your marriage a priority means paying attention to it, nurturing it, protecting it, not allowing anything outside to affect it negatively and consistently making choices that respect it. You make time for it, address things that happen within it, and treat it like it is precious ‒ because it is.
2. You communicate effectively
Most of us know that communication is an essential part of a healthy happy relationship. It can also be much deeper than that and often is the cause of divorce. For some of us, being heard is a love language. Our partner's listening and understanding of what we say and how we feel is what makes us feel loved, close, and connected to them. For others, long conversations are not as important but being understood by our partner is imperative.
3. You can manage conflict well
It is not that you argue, it is how you argue that matters. Do you each know when to take a break from an argument? Are you both respectful and reasonable even if you disagree? Do you forgive or let go of the argument quickly? Do you both accept apologies? Do you seek to resolve rather than prove you are right?
4. You respect each other
To know if your partner respects you, consider how they interact with you. Do they speak kindly to you? Are they patient and understanding? Do they give you the space to voice your opinion without judgment? A partner who respects you will also be honest and open with you, and seek to understand your point of view. Additionally, respect in a relationship means having trust in each other and not constantly questioning their loyalty or fidelity. Lastly, if your partner respects you, they should make you feel appreciated, safe, and secure.
5. You laugh together
A sense of humour can carry you through times of stress and heartache and I feel that it is a crucial part of a marriage that will last. When life gets tough, if you can still laugh together then that is invaluable. As a couple, being able to be light-hearted when things get heavy prevents life's challenges from becoming marriage problems.
6. You each take responsibility
An essential part of a happy marriage is both partners being aware of what they, themselves are bringing to the relationship and not focusing solely on what the other person is or isn't doing. If your partner can look at their own behaviour and take responsibility for that then your chances for success are magnified!
So many relationships fail because one or both partners simply have a powerful desire to be right, which prevents them from seeing the other persons point of view, or that they have created much of the situation themselves. When you each take responsibility, blaming and shaming stop. The battles stop. Stress and frustration take a back seat and you begin to work as a team, empathy grows and deepens, and you become united and connected.
7. You make time for each other
Making time for each other is making time for your marriage. For me, it is non-negotiable. Marriages need feeding and watering like plants, and if you do not give them the time and attention that they need, they will eventually wither and die.
It is not a case of having to make vast amounts of time available. A small amount of time each day dedicated to each other can transform an unhappy marriage very quickly. If you are happily married now, I am certain that you make time for your marriage every day.
8. You support each other
Supporting each other is crucial to building trust and deepening your connection with your partner. Taking the time to understand your spouse’s wants, needs, and feelings, and standing by their side in good times and bad are two of the key elements for a happy marriage.
It's essential that both spouses make an effort to express their appreciation for one another and show them love and support every day. Supporting each other also means being there for one another through thick and thin. Whether it's offering emotional support during tough times or providing a listening ear when they need to talk, always be there to show them they can count on you.
9. You listen to each other
The feeling of being heard and respected by your partner is a powerful one. When your partner listens to you and acknowledges your thoughts and feelings, it can make you feel loved and appreciated. Knowing that your partner is really paying attention and taking the time to understand you can make all the difference in building a strong and lasting relationship.
10. You feel loved and appreciated
We all love to feel loved! Feeling appreciated helps us to feel valued, cared for, and significant, all good things... In a happy marriage, feeling loved is one of the pillars that support it. It is important to know that your partner loves you and makes you feel special, and it helps to build self-love and confidence.
Finding ways to show love and feel loved is an important part of maintaining a healthy marriage and this can be felt in different ways. For some, physical toughness makes them feel loved, for others it is feeling heard and seen. Make sure to take the time to recognize the little things your partner does for you and show them your appreciation. Gratitude for your partner is key for them to feel valued, that they matter, and that they are significant.
11. You both understand the importance of nurturing your relationship
Having a successful marriage takes work and commitment. As the years pass, it’s important to understand that your relationship needs to evolve and grow in order to remain healthy. When your partner understands and respects the importance of nurturing your relationship, it is a clear sign they are a keeper.
It is not enough to just stay together; you need to actively work to ensure you both stay happy. Being content with the status quo is not the path to a long and healthy marriage. Taking the time to invest in your relationship is essential for it to continue blossoming.
12. Care about each other needs
Does your partner care about your needs? Knowing what you need and making sure that your partner is aware of those needs is essential for a successful marriage. Ask yourself if your partner takes time to really understand your needs and cares about your happiness and well-being. Having your partner listen to you and make an effort to meet your needs will help create a stronger bond between you.
13. Give each other room to grow
A wonderful element of a successful marriage is giving each other room to grow. Not many people have the same needs and interests at 20 as they do at 60. As human beings, we evolve and change as we get older. Within a marriage, you will want to do this naturally and together. This means allowing each other the space and freedom to explore your individual interests and passions, and being interested and excited for the other person and their personal growth. Respect and trust are essential pillars of a happy marriage, and this includes respecting the personal time each of you needs for yourself. Allowing your partner the space to have their own hobbies, ideas, and friendships will help to keep your relationship strong and healthy.
14. Love each other as you are
How do you feel when someone accepts and loves you exactly how you are? It can bring the feeling of freedom into a committed relationship. We feel relaxed, fun, and free to be however we choose at any given moment, we are at ease and comfortable around that person and they bring out the best in us as we do not fear being judged. We like ourselves more!
Remember – nobody is perfect!
This list is not a checklist. Your partner may be great at some of these and not so good at others, and you may be also. Use this list to focus on what your partner does bring to the relationship and love them for their qualities.
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Jane Parker, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jane Parker is a Certified Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach and she works with couples and individuals to guide and empower them to create positive changes in their marriage or relationship.
Her strategies help couples in crisis who may be considering separation or see no other alternative than divorce.
Jane's work helps couples to see the value in their relationship and each other, allowing them to
build upon the foundations of their connection to intentionally create the relationship they desire.
She inspires couples and gives them the tools and skills to create more understanding, connection, and trust within their relationship.
Jane's deep commitment to her work comes from her strong family values and a desire to coach couples to create happy and healthy relationships within their own homes. She is dedicated to showing that even when things seem hopeless positive changes can be made.
Jane works with couples in person in the beautiful Lake District, UK, or online worldwide.
You can find Jane at www.janeparkerrelationshipcoach.co.uk
