Written by Dr. Rachel Beanland, Physician Coach
Rachel Beanland, MD understands the complexities of finding purpose and meaning in life. She is the founder of Resilience Physician Coaching, supporting doctors to create unique career paths using mindfulness and positive psychology.
Do you often find yourself saying "yes" when you want to say "no"? As the holiday season approaches, it’s easy for your schedule to fill up, leaving you with little time for yourself. While the season is a time for thinking about others and spending time with loved ones, it often comes at the expense of your well-being. With so many social engagements, feelings of obligation can arise, and you might find yourself agreeing to events or tasks when that energy could be better spent on yourself.
The holiday season is a time when you may find yourself surrounded by to-do lists and tasks to get everyone else organized. Amid this chaos, the practices that keep you grounded are easily sidelined for “another day.” If you’re struggling to balance your schedule or want to make time for yourself, these strategies can help you find mindful ways to enjoy the holiday season. By prioritizing your health and well-being and setting healthy boundaries, you can fully enjoy time with others, focus on your needs, and feel energized and ready for what lies ahead.
What are healthy boundaries?
In the simplest terms, boundaries define the limits between one thing and another. It can be instinctive to agree to help and serve others before thinking about your own needs. Healthy boundaries allow you to meet your needs; emotional, energetic, temporal, and physical. They create a separation between what you need and what others need. Healthy boundaries enable you to feel balanced, energized, in control of your time, and better equipped to deal with life's challenges. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to take care of yourself, be fully present, and support those around you.
How to know if you have unhealthy boundaries
You may have unhealthy boundaries if you prioritize pleasing others and ensuring everyone else is cared for before addressing your own needs. Allowing others to overstep these boundaries can lead to feelings of resentment and excessive people-pleasing. This often happens when you agree to things out of a sense of obligation rather than genuine enjoyment or desire. Over time, this behavior can result in exhaustion, depletion, and low energy levels. Remember, you cannot give from an empty cup. It’s essential to consider your needs before you can effectively support others. A lack of healthy boundaries can leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed, leading to physical and emotional symptoms and even burnout.
Why is it important to set healthy boundaries during the holiday season?
The holiday season is traditionally a time to spend with friends and family. While it can bring joy and celebration, it also comes with certain expectations and responsibilities. Perhaps you are used to taking time off work to be with loved ones, only to return in the new year feeling frazzled and like you need another holiday. Maintaining healthy boundaries during the holiday season can be more challenging than usual and requires practice, but the benefits are worth it. By focusing on your own needs and finding simple ways to honor and nourish them, you can feel more energized and enjoy gatherings and invitations more fully. This approach allows you to truly be yourself while managing the stress that often accompanies the joy of the season.
12 mindful tips for setting healthy boundaries during the holiday season
1. Identify what you need
What are the simple practices or activities that help you feel grounded and energized? Identify the things you consider non-negotiables during the holidays. These could include finding time alone, enjoying your morning coffee in a quiet place, walking in nature, making time for an important call with a friend, or attending your favorite weekly yoga class. Determine which key practices you want to continue throughout the holiday season.
Related: How Yoga Creates Healthy Boundaries
2. Understand which activities energize you
Are you someone who gets energized by spending time with others, or do you recharge best when you're alone? Understanding how you recharge is essential for allocating time to activities that support your well-being. If spending time with a good friend and engaging in meaningful conversation invigorates you, make that your key activity. On the other hand, if you prefer to recharge by reading, journaling, or enjoying solitude, it’s crucial to find a space where you can be undisturbed. These recharge activities are especially important during the holiday season when time may feel limited. Focus on the activities that invigorate you the most.
3. Acknowledge your schedule
Look at your holiday calendar and review what you already have organized. Pay attention to how the scheduled events make you feel. Are there any events or days you anticipate will be draining? Do you have double bookings that might require you to cancel or reorganize to be fully present? Can you delegate tasks or ask for help to free up more time for yourself? Be realistic about your current commitments so you can create space for self-care while still considering any new invitations that come your way.
4. Identify the most important activities for others
Consider the activities you want to be fully present for with your loved ones. Perhaps it’s cooking lunch for your family or attending your children’s events. Identify the most important activities on your schedule and ensure you’ve allocated enough time for them. Then, review what you have planned around these priorities. Are there commitments that might leave you feeling drained? If so, consider adding a small space for self-care before or after those events to help you recharge. This could be as simple as taking a short walk outside before heading to a dinner reservation or scheduling five minutes of quiet reflection at the end of the day.
5. Find time for your non-negotiables
Take a critical look at your schedule and begin to allocate time for your non-negotiable practices. Identify small pockets of time for activities that replenish you. Be realistic about what is achievable, especially during this time of year. If you typically do a 30-minute meditation, aim to find 10-minute slots several times a day to maintain the habit. This sends a clear signal to yourself that your needs are important. Schedule these moments just as you would an appointment or a meeting with a friend. If you struggle to commit, consider creating accountability by joining a class or booking an appointment to help you follow through.
6. Be kind when you talk to yourself
Pay attention to moments when you start compromising your needs or saying yes to things that prevent you from dedicating time to your non-negotiables. Reflect on your thoughts and how you speak to yourself, especially when your boundaries are overstepped. Practice self-kindness in your inner dialogue. Consider what you would say to a friend who isn’t making time for themselves, particularly when it’s vital to their well-being. Affirmations can help remind you that you deserve to set healthy boundaries, making it easier to implement them when necessary.
7. Practice saying no
Practice saying no as a straightforward way to protect your needs and establish boundaries. Remember, you do not need to explain yourself to everyone. Take a moment to pause before responding to an invitation and consider how accepting it will impact your needs. The more instinctive this becomes, the more you will start prioritizing your needs alongside those of others instead of putting them last. When you say no, practice extending loving-kindness to the other person. Sending them a sense of acceptance and love will help you release the negativity often associated with saying no.
8. Recognize that boundary setting is a practice
If you find setting boundaries challenging, remember that prioritizing your needs and maintaining healthy boundaries is an ongoing practice. You may notice progress at times but also experience moments when old patterns resurface. Be kind to yourself if you forget the steps or practices to follow. Remember, you can start again at any time. During especially busy periods, you might find it necessary to begin anew each day. By doing so, you are establishing new patterns and practices, making it easier for you in the future.
Related: Boundaries
9. Communicate your needs
It can be easy to assume that others understand how challenging it is to prioritize the activities you need. However, very few people can read your mind. Try to communicate clearly why you are setting time aside for yourself, how vital that time is for your well-being, and, crucially, what support you need from the other person to achieve your goals. Let your partner or loved ones know that you need uninterrupted time and explain how this will help you feel more energized and ready to enjoy activities with them afterward. This kind of communication can help them support you in establishing healthy boundaries.
10. Take each day as a new day
Each day consists of 24 hours. If you feel like the day is rushing by during the holidays, remember that you can still carve out 10 or 15 minutes for your needs. By viewing each day individually, you can stay present and avoid the habit of postponing practices until tomorrow. While you can repeat an activity tomorrow, starting with just a little bit today signals that your needs are important. Even dedicating 10 minutes to something meaningful can help you end the day positively. This approach is especially crucial if you find yourself prioritizing the needs and demands of others and allowing your boundaries to be overstepped.
11. Practice gratitude
Practicing gratitude positively impacts your emotions and enhances your ability to cope with stress and change. By incorporating a simple gratitude practice during the holiday season, you can better focus on the positive aspects of your life and appreciate the small things that matter. Thinking of three things you are grateful for every morning is a great way to start your day. Don’t forget to acknowledge your efforts in prioritizing your needs, implementing healthy boundaries, and being present for your loved ones.
12. Practice mindfulness
While all these steps involve mindfulness, practicing mindfulness in any given moment during the holiday season can also be beneficial. Mindfulness helps you remain present by bringing a sense of focus and concentration to your activities or practices. By cultivating mindfulness, you can concentrate on the here and now, freeing yourself from the urge to worry about what tomorrow will bring. To start practicing mindfulness in your daily routine, try simple activities such as connecting to your breath, reflecting through journaling, or sitting in meditation and stillness.
Start setting healthy boundaries today
Setting healthy boundaries can be challenging, especially during the holiday season, but it’s crucial for maintaining your well-being during this busy time. You don’t have to navigate this alone. I have created a guided meditation to help you. Take the first step toward mindfully setting healthy boundaries by listening to the guided meditation today. Start visualizing your needs so you can recharge your energy throughout the holiday season and enter the new year feeling energized and empowered.
Read more from Dr. Rachel Beanland
Dr. Rachel Beanland, Physician Coach
Rachel Beanland, MD, is an accomplished public health doctor, physician coach, and mindfulness meditation teacher. Having successfully created her own flexible career so she can live a value-driven life, she has a strong affinity for evidence-based techniques to improve well-being and develop resilience. She is the founder of Resilience Physician Coaching, which supports doctors in mindfully creating unique and authentic career paths. Her mission is to help doctors do medicine differently and make a bigger impact in the world.
