Sharon Wright, the founder of Gorgeous Hearts Coaching, is passionate about helping empty nesters to regain their vitality, realise their soul purpose and enjoy meaningful relationships. She is a qualified coach and naturopath with over 10 years of experience in somatic voice work (a modality that facilitates alignment to the soul).
I remember well the choked feeling in my throat and the tightness in my chest as I hugged my daughter before the drive back home, a home without her in it. We’d helped her move into a shared house close to Kingston University, setting up a bed we bought from Ikea, helping her organize her belongings, and making the space as cozy as possible. We eked out some extra time with her, dining together in a nearby restaurant. All too soon, that poignant moment arrived with a hug that suddenly felt so final. Her independence and our letting go were captured in one embrace.
This is a story that many of us are familiar with, but it’s what comes after that can make such a difference to us and our ongoing relationships with our kids, partners, and life in general. Will it be a celebration of growth or a dwindling in purpose? Could it be that we are free to choose, and that it’s up to us which of these will become the foundation of our way of living in an empty nest?
Here, I’ve compiled my list of the 10 key ways to live your best life in an empty nest so you feel a renewed purpose in life and with your partner. This can definitely be the most rewarding and fulfilling time of your life if you allow it to be.
The 10 ways to live your best life are
Changing your perspective about the empty nest
Reclaiming your space
Creating rituals of love
Asking what’s next
Working with love for success
Being inspired
Discovering your authentic self
Working towards a meaningful relationship
Nurturing the relationship you have with yourself
Aligning to your best life
10 ways to live your best life
1. Change your perspective – Your home is not an empty nest
The more emphasis you put on the term "empty nest," the emptier it will seem. What does that phrase conjure up? If it’s a sad old nest in a tree, abandoned and neglected, there’s not much you can do with that.
But your home is not empty. You live in it, and if you have a partner, they do too. You have visitors, friends, and family. It’s full of your care, energy, and all the things you’ve put into it over the years to make it a special place. Give your home your all in celebration of its fullness. Organize it, clean it, and care for it like it’s an extension of yourself. Treat it as your reposeful sanctuary, one that nurtures and provides a haven to revitalize your energy so you can live with purpose. Avoid getting sucked into sad images of empty rooms or pining for nostalgic moments. This drains your vitality. Embrace change, love your home, and let go of the old echoes.
What is one thing you can do to celebrate your home?
2. Reclaim your space
I loved most things about family life: cuddling up with my daughters on the sofa to watch a good film, eating together and discussing diverse topics, always having someone to go for a walk with, and meeting their wonderful friends. However, there was another side I didn’t appreciate quite as much. Clothes on the floor, dirty bathrooms, constant conflict about who’s washing up, and repeating the same requests over and over.
Now, you have some space for yourself.
Why not organize things differently in the house? Declutter and create some space and quiet time to reflect on your life and what the next steps are for you. I recommend creating organized rituals for yourself so the space doesn’t feel like a yawning void of loneliness. Space is purposeful and dynamic if you use it wisely, but it can feel solitary and purposeless if you don’t.
What is one thing you can let go of in your home to create more space? Can you extend that to your thoughts? For example, what unhelpful belief or behavior can you release to create space for the new?
3. Create rituals of love
Self-caring rituals help me live life with vivacity and integrity. A ritual is a dynamic, nurturing action you repeat consistently to create momentum that replaces another habit that wasn’t self-caring. It’s all too easy to ignore self-care, especially when you’ve been caring for others as a mum, but caring for yourself is wonderfully fulfilling and helps you feel purposeful, vital, and joyful.
A ritual is like a routine; however, the word "ritual" feels more nurturing, while "routine" feels more mundane. Morning rituals can include any repeated action, such as exercise, meditation, a walk, or journaling before work. What makes it a ritual is the way you approach it. Unlike an autopilot routine, rituals focus on the movement you’re currently performing, especially reconnecting with your whole body as you do so. This helps you focus your mind and sets a positive tone for the day ahead.
If you work at home, incorporate a specific ritual to break up tasks. Gentle stretching or a breathing exercise can prevent you from being stuck in one position for too long. Evening rituals can be anything that helps your body prepare for sleep. From lighting a candle to gentle stretches or somatic voice healing, the objective is to prepare your body for deep rest, allowing natural healing and vitality during the day.
Somatic means "relating to the body," and gentle voice exercises help you reconnect by feeling the vibrations of your voice within, calming the mind. Learn more about this technique here.
4. Ask yourself, what’s next?
Now is a great time to reflect on what you truly want to express in life. I began writing a lot after my kids left home. Writing is therapeutic, whether it’s a journal or the book you’ve long dreamed of creating. This is your moment to embrace the new and experiment. Art, music, hiking, dating, restoring furniture, reading, or studying; there are so many options. If you need support, consider coaching. Coaching helps you step back, explore, identify, and act on what you feel called to bring to the world. Ask yourself, "What does my best life look like now that the kids have left home?"
5. Work with love for success
I feel that work is one of the most misunderstood concepts in life. We can complain about work, be a martyr to it, or glorify it, but it’s really quite simple: work is part of life and inseparable from anything else.
Work is important, and our attitude toward it can make all the difference to our vitality and quality of life when the kids leave home. We put a lot of nurture and love into our relationships and our family, so why would work be any different?
Some resist it, delay it, overdo it, or go through the motions of it. But what does it look like to put your all into work and love it? Here is an interesting article about how joy in work helps us psychologically.
When my kids were teens, I worked as an HR manager and company director. It was a lot of responsibility, and I remember feeling a bit overwhelmed juggling family life with work. Being overwhelmed meant that I wasn’t fully present as a mum, nor was I fully present at work, especially if I was worrying about something the kids were going through.
Realizing this changed everything. When I worked on being more present, I discovered that I enjoyed and loved work (as well as being so much more focused and “on” with the children).
I’m very passionate about work – it fulfills me greatly. However, it’s not always that way, and there’s no perfection to strive for either. Procrastination, self-doubt, and overwhelm can get in the way of the pure enjoyment of purposeful working, which is why it’s so important to be consciously present as much as possible. Bring love to your work and hold your work colleagues in that warmth. Even if their behavior is off, don’t take anything personally; instead, observe what is behind their behavior. And if you run a business, you’ll know that it’s a joy to treat your clients with the respect and love that you live as a standard.
6. Be inspired as you inspire others
What and who inspires you? Dig deep and draw on the values that form the foothills of your own mountain of potential.
There is always someone in your life, either distantly or close to you, who expresses values that call to you. Realize, too, that these values are part of you. That’s why they are so attractive. Sometimes, we compare ourselves and feel that the actions of those who inspire us are far beyond our reach, but this is not true. Comparison is a prison of poverty. Instead, claim the wealth of substance that is your essence and be inspired as you inspire others.
7. Discover your authentic self and feel empowered
The outcomes of your actions and the actions of others don’t always align with your true values. When you clarify what is true for you and what no longer serves you, you feel empowered and absolute about your own expression in life.
This is how we become authentically empowered, not the faux “empowered woman” image that society imposes on us, but the authentic substance of you. Be empowered to embrace this moment in your life and magnetically pull true value and quality toward you. Get in touch for support.
8. Work on having meaningful relationships
Observe your relationship with your partner. Is it functional, competitive, equal, convenient, an arrangement, romantic, hot, cold, or tender? Has it been something in the past that is no longer true? Whatever you observe, you and your partner are now sharing a home together. Considering that evidence suggests couples are 40% more likely to divorce after the kids leave home, it’s never been more relevant to attend to your relationship now. I’m not assuming you have a partner or even the same partner as before parenthood, but whether you’re heading for a dating app, starting a new relationship, or navigating the next steps with a long-term partner, meaningful relationships are essential for living your best life.
So, what is a meaningful relationship?
There is so much fulfillment and joy in the purpose of a respectful, loving relationship with someone you live with 24/7. You evolve together as you learn about yourself and how to love unconditionally. You tackle challenges together and navigate life’s ocean from the same ship. When the children have left home, you have the space to focus your energy on rebuilding trust and closeness. There is not one iota of emptiness in love, so this should always be the foundation of your relationship.
If you’re wondering how to start when things feel a bit rusty, begin with yourself. The quality of the relationship you have with yourself is first and foremost. I will expand on this in the next point.
9. Nurture the relationship you have with yourself
It’s impossible to seek your “best life” while engaging in self-sabotage. That may seem like a strong word, but by self-sabotage, I include self-doubt, self-critique, self-recrimination, self-judgment, and low self-esteem, to name a few.
Sometimes, we observe our behavior and realize it has been less than ideal. But can we let go of self-bashing, accept ourselves fully, and love ourselves unconditionally (without expectations)?
If you seek love and romance in your life, ask yourself: are you being romantic with yourself? Take some time to observe and improve the relationship you have with yourself. You may be surprised at how often you call yourself “stupid” or similar.
Here’s a quick question: what is one step you can take today to rebuild the relationship with yourself? Think of something you would certainly act upon if it were a relationship with someone else.
10. Everything is energy – Align to your best life
In the last point, I spoke about negative self-talk. Let’s explore where it comes from so that it can be discarded more easily, allowing you to focus on what supports you in living your best life.
How can you be more self-loving, enjoy enriching relationships with others, and be successful in life?
Close your eyes and feel yourself as a body of light or energy. This is easy as soon as your eyes close, and you become present. Think of something you aren’t proud of, maybe something you said to someone that you wish you hadn’t.
What do you sense as you think about this situation? Now, focus on your breath and feel the delicateness of your innermost body. Breathe in gently through your nose and let out a hum on the out-breath, paying attention to the vibrations of that sound within your body. How does it feel? How has your energy changed? What difference can you sense?
This may feel like pure imagination, but after years of practicing and guiding others through somatic voice exercises, I’ve learned to trust this process. The energy you are reacting to is the energy you attract and express.
For example, if you feel empty, down, off, or anxious, do you speak lovingly to others? Or do you cast blame or withdraw from people? We attract the same quality of energy we emphasize.
To have a beautiful relationship with yourself and others, and to live your best life, shift your focus to your body, especially your innermost essence. Feel the truth of your energetic body, release the tensions, and align with this more often. It will become the best habit ever. I guarantee it.
Remember that your best life awaits your alignment
It’s easy to slip into a fantasy about what your best life could be, but in my experience, that can lead to procrastination. This is often due to the fear of failing to reach that expected dream. However, if you can set those expectations aside and focus on aligning with the values, expressions, and authentic actions that you feel drawn to and inspired by, life feels much more purposeful. You realize that you’re in flow, moving with the universe, and effortlessly becoming the best version of yourself.
The 10 tips above are aimed at opening a chink of light in what can sometimes feel like a long, dark corridor of transition from mother to empty nester, especially when one feels constrained by beliefs, ideals, and social expectations. That chink of light can illuminate the truth about your next steps, giving you the confidence to leave the opinions of others behind. Believe in yourself and embrace the new. Your kids will feel so inspired by that when they see you next.
Be a magnetic miracle and live the best part of your life in joy!
If you would like to learn more about how to feel great during midlife and thrive in your relationships, you can download my 15-page PDF booklet, How to Feel Damned Good About Yourself After 50 & Connect Deeply With Your Partner. In it, I show you how to be present in your body more consistently and make self-loving rituals a part of daily life. It also includes some bonus somatic voice exercises to help you let go of anxiety by reconnecting with your body and expressing yourself more lovingly.
Read more from Sharon Wright
Sharon Wright, Somatic Voice & Relationship Coach
Sharon Wright spent many years searching for true meaning and love in her life. After many spiritual detours, that nearly destroyed her marriage, she learned that her body was a way to connect to true love, aka the soul. She has since developed and shared techniques to facilitate that reconnection via awareness of the vibrational integrity of the voice. She both coaches and mentors her clients, empty nesters who often feel alone after their kids have left home, to manage anxiety and connect more deeply with their partners. One of her main tenets, that the vibrations of the voice can harm or heal, depending on the energy one is aligned to, brings focus to heart-led living for purposeful and evolving relationships.
