Written by: Kate Bixler, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
1. “It’s too expensive” — Someday I will make more money. My self-care exists someday in the future when I am willing to pay for massages, buy only organic food, sign up for yoga classes, maybe even hire a personal trainer, and consider getting that plastic surgery procedure that I want.
Try This: It all starts with what you believe about taking good care of yourself. Self-care is an investment in someone- and someone that you have control over and can count on! When you take the best care of yourself that you can, your potential to make more income and take even better care of yourself is unlimited.
Which self-care strategies can you afford right now?
2. “That’s what confident women do” — Women who have it all do those things. They are those people. They feel comfortable at the gym and in a Pilates class. They are known by name at the salon and how they like their hair cut, colored, and curled. That’s just not me.
Try This: Everyone has their ‘first day at school.’ We get comfortable in a situation because we took it on in the first place, sometimes feeling out of our element the very first time. The only way to get familiar and confident with different experiences is to have them.
How many new 'firsts' are you willing to try to become that confident person?
3. “Good girls practice self-sacrifice” — When I put everyone else first, it is proof to my brain that I am a good person. I put my partner’s needs and my children’s needs before my own. I know that I should take care of myself to be at my best for my family, but I still sometimes put my needs at the bottom of the list.
Try This: Women who take the best care of others are those that regularly practice self-care. Up-level your service to others by being well-rested, well-fed, and in a cared-for state of mind.
In what ways would your care for others be even better if you cared for yourself first?
4. “I would feel guilty” — If I try my best, dress up, and put on makeup, someone else might think that I am prideful and boasting. I know that I can’t control what others think, but if I am consistently the ‘same ol’ me’ then I may avoid the shame that I would feel if others are judging me.
Try This: Whether you take care of yourself or not, the reality is that other people will think things about you all of the time. It feels like we have some control over this if we try not to stand out. Whatever we worry that someone else could think is usually a projection of what we might think. So, if you can get behind the idea of looking and feeling your best, then you could just allow everyone else to have the freedom of choosing their thoughts.
If you let go of this worry about others, what things would you do for yourself instead of holding back?
5. “If only I had time” — I feel like time is in a limited supply. Self-care is an extravagance that belongs in the column of ‘things to do when there is extra time.’ I may have an indulgence when I am on vacation or for my birthday. Self-care just doesn’t fit into my ordinary, day-to-day routine.
Try This: I am particularly guilty of this one: doing all low-priority tasks first and running out of time for high-priority tasks and then blaming it all on ‘time.’ The truth is: time is going by, whether we are managing ourselves well or not. We can’t manage time. It just keeps marching on, no matter what we do or don’t do.
If you hired yourself and you were the most effective manager of yourself that you could be, what would you, the employee, get done that you have been putting off?
6. “I’m afraid that I might fail” — If I try, there is a chance that I might fail. This might come from someone else’s judgment: if I put all of my efforts into being my best and then my partner acts unimpressed, that might hurt. It might come from my own judgment: if I don’t meet the expectations I have, there will be a disappointment. My brain tells me it’s safer to fail ahead of time, by not trying, than to risk letting myself or someone else down.
Try This: Realize that if we decide not to try something, we choose a 100% fail rate. Those are terrible odds. When we try something very safe and comfortable, we also don't grow much with a close-to-0% fail rate. Pay attention to the things that you want in life. Notice what you wish that ‘Future-You’ has that you don’t. This is your map for where you want to go and what you want to try. Take on the risk of something new, and realize that whatever chance you have of succeeding is a much bigger chance than not trying at all.
What are the things that you would go for if you knew that you couldn’t fail?
7. “I have some hidden anger or resentment for others” — Someone else wants me to take care of myself, be my best, look like the best version of myself. But that person may not do the things that I want him/ her to do, or take care of me in the way that I want. Rather than do the work of addressing that problem or work on my feelings about that situation, I can get a little sense of relief through the passive/ aggressive revenge that I get from not taking care of myself and withholding that gift from the person not meeting my expectations.
Try This: Learning to take off those ‘victim’ clothes and put on the ‘suit of responsibility’ seems like a hard thing to do. When we have expectations of others, and they let us down, it seems more comfortable to point the finger outward for our disappointment. But the truth is, when we take responsibility for our feelings, it will set us free. We will be able to give grace to others and to focus on our actions instead of on what others do. We can then claim control over how we take care of ourselves.
What are the things that you would do for yourself if other people were not treated as a barrier?
8. “I just don’t like to set my plans in stone” — I want to go with the flow. I don’t like to follow a strict daily routine. That just covers up the fact that I don’t feel like it. When it comes time to take that 30-minute walk, make a salad for lunch, do 10 minutes of meditation and 20 minutes of reading, I just don’t feel like it. Big changes will happen with small steps, but if we aren’t disciplined and we don’t have that mental toughness to follow through with our plans, then we will never start and never get the results that we wish we could instantly have.
Try This: I don’t take up a lot of brain space with the things that I accomplish on automatic pilot. Brushing my teeth is a great example. I never write it on my calendar or to-do list because it just happens: same times every day. It’s not a problem when I wake up early or get to bed late- the time just gets adjusted, and it still happens.
How many tasks can you take off of your ‘worry’ list, put onto auto-pilot, and begin changing the results that you get in your life?
9. “I will start as soon as I can find my motivation” — This is a common myth. If I can just get into the right mindset, then I will want to do all of the things on my self-care list. I will be smiling on the way to the gym. I will be delighted to eat my salad instead of a piece of cake. And I will be happy to meditate while the children are yelling in the room next door. The truth is that it may feel a whole lot better once we are done with a self-care step than it does to begin it. If we wait for motivation to come along and grab our hand, we may be waiting for something that will never happen.
Try This: Change your expectation of what it feels like to start a task. Expect that it’s going to feel TERRIBLE to start it and amazing to finish it. Just start the task, regardless of how you feel about it. You get bonus points if you get yourself to a neutral feeling and extra bonus points if you can find a way to look forward to the task, but it isn't necessary.
How many more tasks would you take on in your self-care routine if you stopped waiting for motivation to come to you first?
10. “I spend a lot of brain time thinking about it, which is almost as good as doing it” — Women often feel like worrying is a necessary step in planning our lives. We can give a whole lot of airtime to thinking and planning and never get to the doing. Thinking about self-care may prove to your brain that you prioritize it and deem it important. However, it does lack the RESULTS that come from taking the self-care actions.
Try This: Lower your expectations of how your self-care activities will go. When you begin to think about it, either does the task right then and there or put it on your calendar. Eliminate the ‘worry’ time and just take on a task with the anticipation that you will do it terribly but have the experience of doing it. Go for a walk and tell yourself that you will probably hate it. Drink that water and don’t expect that it will taste good. The less you expect, the more often you will be surprised when it isn’t as bad as anticipated. The less you worry, and the more that you do, the greater the feeling of accomplishment that you will have. The ultimate goal is to be someone that is well-cared for.
How soon will you commit to stop worrying about your self-care and start taking action?
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Kate Bixler, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kate Bixler is the certified weight-loss and life coach that women turn to when they are tired of struggling to lose weight on their own. She has a Master's Degree in Educational Leadership and has 30+ years of experience teaching, presenting at conferences, and training teachers to be the best version of themselves. She combines her personal experience of losing 40+ lbs. and coaching expertise to help women transform their current identity into the future self that they dream of, leaving their struggle with weight loss behind.
