Written by: Kinga de Wit, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
What comes to mind when you think of someone who can cope with adversity really well? Maybe you picture someone who’s always calm and collected. Or someone who’s always positive, free of (negative) emotions, or perhaps even superhuman.
As I sit down to write about a topic that's near and dear to my heart. A topic I know so much about, want to share my knowledge of and have coached so many people on...
I find myself struggling with taking my own power back. I feel burned-out, emotionally drained, and exhausted from a year of stress, powering through, keeping everything under control, managing the chaos of an emigration, building my practice, working as a psychologist, and keeping up with family life in a new country, with unfamiliar rules and with no knowledge of the language.
And you know what? I was prepared for that. I chose that. I was and am willing to face the hardships and consequences. I even calculated in some room for unexpected challenges.
But after yet another screw-up from professionals who are supposed to guide and protect us, the passing of an uncle, the quick and severe illness of our beloved dog and his passing, and now my dear cat, who’s 17 years old, being seriously ill... it’s just too much.
I said to my husband: I'm done. I have had enough. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to be feeling now. I am completely shut down and numb.
And I don't need anybody to tell me that it will all be ok. I know it will.
I have been focusing on the positive and what I CAN do. I have been using tools like EFT/tapping and breathwork. If I were my therapist I would say things like: "You know, you'll get through it. This too shall pass.”
I’m the girl who sat in the middle of a flooded floor on top of a pile of towels in a meditation pose. (If you’re interested, you can read the whole story here.)
I'm the woman who can act in stressful situations and make sure everybody and everything is taken care of.
I’m the one who broke through familial patterns, has gone through numerous transitions, and has the Soul Blueprint of Change.
So yes, I do know. But reminding me of all that is not what I need right now. I don't need empowerment. I need rest. Understanding. Space for my cocktail of emotions, even if I don’t currently actually feel them. This was a great reminder for myself, but also the first tip I want to share with you, dear reader: taking your power back doesn't necessarily mean muscling through, seeing the silver lining, or putting your warrior armor on. No, the first step is about softening. Surrendering. Allowing. Going through the (e)motions.
So for now, I’m just accepting what IS. I am holding myself in a loving embrace without expecting me to “solve” the problem or come up with the next step. This is a place I usually avoid. I take pride in always “being the one with the answers”. But the thing is, what we identify with, we create.
A big part of my identity has always been that of a problem solver. But adversity isn’t to be solved. It’s to be experienced.
That can be hard sometimes. Because it's not in our nature to surrender to circumstances. We want control, we don't want to feel bad, we do everything we can to stay afloat. I know I do!
And I am here to tell you, that there might be a moment where you just need to let go. Let yourself go underwater and take a deep breath. Allow the water to consume you.
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." — Nelson Mandela
Disappointment, hardship, and challenges are a natural part of human life. Although many think that being a psychologist and knowing all the strategies and modalities to cope with stress, somehow makes us immune, the opposite is often true. The reality is, that most therapists/healers have had their share of adversity which inspired them to help others. But besides that: nothing human eludes us. It’s like we’re almost human 😉
But yes, there are steps you can take to go through experiencing difficulties, heartbreak, and even loss in an empowered way. Here are 10 tips to do just that:
Learn to experience things from the perspective of your breath
When you’re overwhelmed, angry, or sad… your breath can help you return to the here and now and into your body. Your breath can help you focus, be mindful, see more clearly, but also, process your emotions. Every time you run away from feeling your feelings, they get suppressed and trapped in your body. They can’t leave. So they get stored in your cells and keep asking attention until you allow yourself to experience them.
Regulate
Learning how to regulate your nervous system and your emotions is a very valuable skill. It will allow you to navigate the roughest seas and not be reactive to triggers.
Heal your old wounds, limiting beliefs, and unresolved trauma
This will help you stay calm, not take things personally, and not get triggered too much.
Embrace change as a constant and view challenges as opportunities for growth
An adaptive mindset allows you to shift perspectives, explore alternatives, and find creative solutions in the face of adversity.
Learn from setbacks
Approach challenges as opportunities for personal and professional development. Reflect on your experiences, identify what went wrong, and extract valuable insights that contribute to your growth. For a truly empowering and transformative experience, you can ask yourself: how is this happening FOR me (instead of TO me)?
Develop problem-solving skills
Break down challenges into manageable components, assess potential solutions, and take decisive action. The ability to navigate problems with a systematic approach enhances your resilience in diverse situations.
Cultivate a practice of gratitude amidst adversity
In the face of challenges, acknowledging the aspects of your life for which you are grateful can shift your perspective and instill a positive mindset. Gratitude becomes a powerful tool in fostering resilience by focusing on the strengths and blessings that exist alongside the challenges. If you need extra help: you can find my workbook on Gratitude (The practical guide to appreciate life as it is and open the door to positive experiences) on Amazon.
Prioritize your physical, mental, and emotional well-being
Ensure you get adequate rest, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation.
Recognize and celebrate small victories along the way
Every achievement, no matter how minor, contributes to your resilience. Acknowledge progress, no matter how incremental, as it reinforces your capability to overcome challenges.
In certain situations, seeking professional guidance is a practical step
Whether it's consulting with a mentor, coach, or counselor, external perspectives can provide valuable insights and strategies to navigate challenges effectively.
For more tips and information I would like to warmly recommend my upcoming eBook: Resilience with Wellness in Mind – A Guide to Cultivating Strength in Adversity. Which will become available on Amazon later this month (January 2024). For an overview of all my books, you can click here.
Also, if you find yourself ever needing support in rough times, remember you’re not alone and you are welcome to reach out to your family and friends, or (professionals like) me! To schedule a free discovery session where we can get to know each other and find out how we could work together, please visit my site.
Kinga de Wit, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kinga de Wit, is an expert in transmuting pains, problems and limiting patterns into power. Her healing journey began when she was 12 and realized that she had the power to breakthrough generational disfunction and be the cycle breaker. After spending the first 30 years of her life being plagued by stress, chronic pain and stuck in the past, her personal transformation is almost too magical to believe. And now it's her mission to suppport others in overcoming excuses and challenges, raise their awareness and thrive, through a unique blend of healing modalities on the mental, emotional, physical, ánd spiritual level. Her mission: to heal the world.
