Laurenza Buglisi specialises in supporting families affected by sexual violence, intergenerational trauma, and family estrangement. She also provides training and consultancy in child safeguarding practices for organisations and social work professionals.
It is no secret that modern-day parenting presents a plethora of challenges for families, particularly with an emphasis on the importance of healthy attachment and well-being. Parents today also have a greater understanding than previous generations about the prevalence and long-term effects of poor mental health, child abuse, and neglect. Modern parenting exists in the broader context of a society where digital technology is widely used and easily accessible. Given the risks of harm to children, it is advisable for parents to thoroughly research their options before making childcare arrangements. If you have a young child of any age and would like to know what’s important to consider when deciding who to leave your child with, read on.
Screening checks
If you are considering center-based care or a private arrangement where a nanny or babysitter cares for your child at your home or theirs, it is important to request evidence that they have passed a screening check in your state or province. In some countries, specific government departments are responsible for administering a screening process to assess or reassess adults who work with or care for children. This process involves examining criminal history databases and relevant professional conduct findings to ensure there is nothing in an applicant’s history to suggest they pose a threat to children’s safety. These screenings are not a guarantee that an adult has not committed an offense against a child, but they do reflect that the individual has not been found guilty of such an offense in a court of law.
For example, in Victoria, Australia, you can request that a nanny or babysitter add you as their employer on their Working With Children Check. This allows you to be notified if they are awaiting court proceedings related to harm against children.
Respect for parental choice
An important consideration when choosing who will care for your child is ensuring the person or organization recognizes and respects your authority as the child’s parent. This advice is equally relevant for parents contemplating the use of family members or friends for regular babysitting. It can be helpful to make it clear from the very beginning that, while you are receptive to any suggestions from the caregiver, they must understand and respect that you have the final say over decisions affecting your child.
An exception to this would be requests they are unable to accommodate or restrictions due to organizational policies and procedures required to meet compliance standards (such as ensuring children are up-to-date with vaccinations). Open, ongoing communication in all instances is imperative to working through such issues and ensuring everyone is working towards a common goal.
Show initiative while following instructions
It can be a delicate balancing act for caregivers to take initiative when needed while also instilling confidence in you that they are willing to follow instructions. While you don’t necessarily want them to consult you on every decision while caring for your child, it is reasonable to expect they will meet certain expectations you have set, such as applying a particular brand of sunscreen that you provide.
Understanding consent and safe touch
One of the most significant concerns when exploring childcare arrangements is caregivers who dismiss the possibility of harm occurring under their care. Understanding that harm to children can happen even with the most diligent supervision demonstrates a responsible attitude and a willingness to implement quality improvement measures.
It is always highly concerning to hear a childcare center employee claim that no child at their center has ever experienced abuse. This statement is problematic because we know the likelihood of such a claim being true is extremely low, if not impossible, given the prevalence of child abuse. In reality, it is more reasonable to assume that the childcare worker was ill-equipped to recognize and respond to concerns or disclosures of harm. This lack of awareness creates an environment where abuse is more likely to occur because no one is paying attention to the warning signs.
Even for adults caring for children without qualifications (such as babysitters, friends, or family members), it is still reasonable to expect that they have a basic understanding of what child abuse is and what to look for. The Australian National Centre for Action on Child Sexual Abuse provides free and easily accessible resources for families seeking further information. One of the important things you can teach untrained caregivers is the importance of respecting a child’s physical space and boundaries.
It is helpful to teach consent (the ability to freely choose to do or not do something) by encouraging caregivers to refrain from touching children without their permission. This is obviously not applicable to infants who are non-verbal and require nappy changes, but a basic philosophy around engaging only in safe touch with children reinforces the idea that they are in control of their own bodies. This can be implemented simply by requesting no tickling or patting children on the bottom and refraining from insisting that children kiss adults as a greeting or feel pressured to offer hugs.
Responding to disclosures
Part of feeling confident in your caregiver’s commitment to reducing the likelihood of child abuse is their understanding of how to manage a disclosure from your child. Centre-based childcare institutions are usually well-equipped in this area and should be willing to share their child safety policies and procedures for your review. Nannies, babysitters, family members, and friends may not necessarily have this knowledge but should be receptive to you sharing some of the many free online resources available. The National Centre for Action on Child Sexual Abuse is a good place to start.
The basic premise for responding to disclosures is to listen to the child, take what they say seriously, respond with empathy, document the details they provide, inform the parents (unless a parent is the person the child said harmed them), and report the matter to the local child protection authorities.
Knowing technology risks
You want to ensure your child’s caregiver is confident in understanding the risks related to technology use, particularly unsupervised access. Some centre-based childcare institutions allow young children to engage with technology, but this is usually well-supervised and age-appropriate, with a focus on learning. It is useful to check exactly what this entails.
For home-based childcare arrangements, there are different opportunities for children to be exposed to risks concerning technology. Many homes have smart televisions and personal devices such as iPads or laptops, and the caregiver will most likely have a mobile phone with internet access. It is recommended that you make it clear if you do not wish your child to have unsupervised internet access. This means the caregiver can turn on the television but is responsible for selecting a specific program they deem age-appropriate and ensuring the remote is not left where the child can access it. It also means not allowing the child to navigate the apps on their phone.
Exercise caution in allowing a child under the age of sixteen to browse the internet unsupervised. Even playing video clips through YouTube presents a level of risk because, unless you’ve watched the entire clip beforehand, you cannot be certain of its content. Additionally, the platform’s autoplay feature often moves to the next, sometimes random, video once the current one finishes.
Access to your child by others
Be mindful of discussing with the potential caregiver who else will come into contact with your child while they are in their care. This is particularly relevant to in-home care arrangements, as you may want to clarify if your expectation is that no one else should look after your child except the designated caregiver. It can also be useful to discuss your expectations around what happens if the caregiver receives a visitor during the time they are caring for your child and to remind them that they retain full responsibility for your child during that time.
This is often something parents do not think to address, but if the caregiver is providing care for your child in your own house, it is reasonable to request that no one visit during this time.
Understanding the importance of privacy in childcare
A crucial part of caring for children is respecting everyone’s right to privacy. This can sometimes be challenging in centre-based childcare institutions where policies might involve children using toileting facilities in open view of educators. This is done to ensure childcare workers can easily see the children and respond quickly if they need assistance.
For in-home care arrangements, it is important to discuss your expectations with the potential caregiver regarding how they will respect your child’s right to privacy and model this respect in their own conduct. For example, it is reasonable to expect your caregiver to remain clothed at all times and to use the bathroom with the door closed. While children requiring assistance with toileting may not be afforded the same level of privacy, caregivers can still model respect for privacy by reinforcing the need to be clothed. Exceptions may be made for children under two years of age, but this should be limited to indoor settings.
Caregivers should also avoid exposing children to adult content, whether by allowing them to watch inappropriate material online or showing them their own private parts. Even under the guise of educating a curious child, such actions would constitute a child sexual assault offence in many countries, and the caregiver could face criminal liability.
While this advice might seem blatantly obvious, my clinical work has shown me that it is not always so clear-cut in families aiming to instill positive body image and a sense of pleasure in young children. Such families may not fully appreciate the ramifications of exposing children to inappropriate content.
Openness to receiving feedback
When discussing the things you wish your prospective caregiver to be aware of, it is important to gauge their openness to receiving feedback about their interactions with your child. This can be particularly challenging in either a formal center-based childcare institution or with family members and friends. Professional childcare workers may feel confused as to why you might not trust someone suitably qualified to work with children, while family members and friends may express defensiveness at your questioning their approach. This defensiveness can be particularly exacerbated if their caregiving is unpaid.
These are complex dynamics to navigate, but ultimately, you should feel confident that the person or organization you are entrusting with your child’s care will act in a way that is transparent. Their openness to hearing your concerns and taking the time to respond to them is a measure of their respect for your authority as the parent.
An indicator that the caregiver is not acting with transparency or accountability is if they ask your child to keep secrets from you. It is important to address this with family members and friends in particular and explain that you do not want anything kept from you. For example, it is better for them to tell you they gave your child a treat you did not approve of rather than telling the child to keep it a secret. Teaching children that it is okay to keep some things from their parents, even to avoid trouble, sets a harmful precedent.
Your comfort in raising issues
The final tip for choosing a caregiver for your child is to reflect on your own confidence in raising issues or concerns when they arise. If you do not feel comfortable challenging a caregiver’s decision-making or holding space for difficult conversations that may inevitably arise, then perhaps that childcare arrangement is not the best fit. Disagreements are unavoidable, but if you are uncomfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings, issues will remain unresolved.
This applies to relatively insignificant matters, such as feeling uneasy about telling your caregiver you don’t like the nickname they’ve given your child or that you don’t appreciate their decision to feed your child thirty minutes before dinner. If you cannot raise small concerns like these, it becomes nearly impossible to find the conviction to address more significant matters, such as discussing concerns about changes in your child’s behavior.
Ultimately, the best match in a childcare arrangement is one where there is a steady flow of open communication between the caregiver(s) and yourself. When no topic is off-limits, you can rest assured that you are doing everything possible to work towards the same goal: making sure your child receives the highest quality of care.
For more online resources for families and professionals, check out my website.
Read more from Laurenza Buglisi
Laurenza Buglisi, Social Worker & Family Therapist
Laurenza Buglisi is a qualified Social Worker and Family Therapist who specialises in child sexual abuse. She was the founder of Juno’s Circle: Counselling, Training and Consulting, supporting families with complex trauma. Laurenza is committed to ensuring all families are equipped with the necessary tools and resources to parent protectively. As a mother to three young children herself, she understands the challenges of raising children in a digital age with an increased prevalence of child sexual exploitation. Laurenza is passionate about working with organisations and social work professionals to ensure a clearer understanding of compliance with child safe practice standards and reporting obligations.
