Written by: Vanina Pitsch, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As you may have read in my previous articles, bringing empathy to the workplace is a big part of my mission. And while I recognize and applaud the many leaders out there who are already excelling at showcasing empathy in the workplace, I’d like to point out the cost of being too empathetic, especially when boundaries are blurred.
As a reminder, being empathetic means being able to feel, understand and accept other people's emotions by putting oneself in their shoes. That being said, people who are more empathetic often struggle to reveal their true selves to others; they’re so hyper-aware of everyone else’s emotions that they often forget how they themselves feel. Empathetic people also tend to fear that expressing their true selves would create conflict and they want to avoid hurting others as much as possible. As a result, many empathetic people end up making themselves responsible for everyone else’s well-being in order to avoid feeling even the slightest amount of pain that a minor conflict or disagreement would cause others.
The Downside of being Empathetic:
If you consider yourself to be an empath, there is a fine line between serving others and giving yourself away to others. Since empathetic people tend to feel responsible for others' well-being, they often feel very rewarded when they tend to other people's needs. As such, it becomes very difficult to take care of yourself as your sense of worth is dependent on other people's feelings and state of well-being.
If you are an empath, you may have done the following:
Pleasing others to make everyone else happy
Becoming someone else to meet the other person's expectations
Putting everyone else first before your own well-being
Experiencing difficulty expressing your emotions, needs, and desires
Feeling uncomfortable sharing negative feedback or expressing a different opinion in fear of hurting someone else’s feelings
Making yourself smaller than you really are to let others shine
Saying yes to everything and everyone
Letting others step on your toes out of fear to express your truth
If you have experienced some of these behaviors, I am here to remind you that you are not responsible for others' needs and emotions. And you are certainly not doing anyone a favor by not being your true self. While empathy is one of the most important competencies to cultivate in order to lead with understanding, compassion, and ultimately create inclusive environments where your people can thrive, it can also totally backfire on yourself.
Go back to the above bullet points and read them one more time.
Why on earth would you do that to yourself? Maybe you didn’t know any better at the time, but these tendencies do a big disservice to yourself and others! In order to avoid becoming everyone’s doormat down the line, here are a few practices for you to consider trying out now that you’re more aware of the darker side of the empath coin.
Practices to Try in Order to Ground and Respect Yourself as an Empath:
Prioritize your own well-being before giving to others
Remind yourself that sometimes it’s okay and even healthy to separate yourself from other people’s emotions
Let go of the responsibility to fill other people’s cups ‒ it’s not your job
Regularly check in with yourself to see how you are feeling
Replenish your cup by listening to your inner voice and tend to your own needs
Outline your core values and respect yourself by honoring and following them
Set boundaries and clearly communicate what’s important to you to others
Recognise the importance of being your true self and expressing your truth, regardless of whether it might ruffle other people’s feather’s
Embrace healthy, respectful conflict and difference of opinion as part of the human experience
Serve others from a place of wholeness–you can’t pour from an empty cup, as the old saying goes!
As you are reading this list of practices to try out, you may think that this is selfish or contradictory to what being an “empath” is. However, it isn’t selfish at all. In fact, it is absolutely necessary for you to be able to serve from a place of wholeness and to navigate your personal and professional life with dignity and truth. Only then, will you be able to earn respect from the people in your life and truly thrive.
To conclude, when you respect yourself, dare to be your true self, and show up from a place of wholeness, you will build authentic, deep relationships with others. And it is from this place that you will have a truly positive impact on other people's lives.
If you are looking for some support in taking the first step towards honoring and respecting yourself or if you would like to collaborate on a corporate project, you can book your free call with me via this link.
Yours truly,
Vanina Pitsch
For more information, visit this website and her social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
Vanina Pitsch, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Vanina Pitsch is a leadership development manager, mindset coach, and mindfulness facilitator. She is the founder of GloWell Coaching ‒ a coaching and mindfulness company aimed at bringing empathy and mindfulness into organizations and supporting professionals in their career and life so they can evolve to their next-level selves.
Certified as a Personal and Professional Coach (PPCC) from Concordia University, she offers a variety of different coaching packages and organizes online wellness events as well as urban wellness retreats to professionals and organizations.
She believes in the power of the mind, leadership development, creating inclusive work environments, and teaching others to take care of their well-being. So they can serve from a place of wholeness and be in alignment of their soul’s purpose.
