Written by: Jacqueline Neuwirth, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
For people who struggle with confidence, it’s easy to let insecurities and fear of being judged, overpower us. There’s hope! When we recognize the habits or patterns that can destroy your confidence, you can take charge of your life and change your reality.
Here are 10 habits that may appear harmless but can destroy your confidence.
1. Focusing on negative thoughts and feelings
Negative thoughts can be very powerful, in fact, they are 5 times more powerful than positive thoughts. AND 80% of our thoughts are negative. When we focus on negative thoughts and feelings, we tend to see ourselves in a negative light. We might feel like we are not good enough, that we are failures, or that we will never succeed.
These negative thoughts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, as they influence our behavior and prevent us from taking risks or trying new things. This can be particularly damaging when it comes to our confidence, as it can prevent us from pursuing our goals and dreams.
2. Avoiding challenges and new experiences
Avoiding challenges and new experiences can be a sign that you are struggling with confidence. Challenging yourself and trying new things, even if they seem intimidating is important. Gaining new experiences is crucial for personal growth, even if it feels scary at first.
Growth and comfort don’t always co-exist. Consciously try to welcome new experiences and actively search for opportunities that will push you out of your comfort zone. You will gradually increase your confidence by challenging yourself and accomplishing new things.
3. Comparing yourself to others
Constantly comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to ruin your confidence, and leads to unhappiness and low self-esteem. Whether it’s someone’s success or appearance, or an unrealistic standards society or the media sets.
Everyone has their own unique journey and story, and comparing will only make you feel worse about yourself. By focusing on being the best version of yourself and concentrating on your own achievements, will shift you out of the harmful mindset of jealous or self-deprication that may happen when you compare.
Whenever you feel the urge to compare yourself to others, take a step back and focus on your own journey. Reframe negative comparisons to positive ones – rather than thinking about someone else’s success as making you feel worse, see it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
4. Not having clear boundaries: Saying "Yes" when you mean "No”
We often want to please everyone in our lives so much so that we often don't say “no’ when we really should. This is a sign that you need to improve your boundaries muscle and tune into your inner voice more often.
It takes courage to say no. If saying “no” is difficult for you, you can practice the skill in a safe environment, such as with friends or family. You can also use assertive language like “I appreciate your offer, but I am not able to do this right now.”
Remember that it's okay to put yourself first, and saying no is an important habit for protecting your own physical and emotional well-being. And most important, it will give you a sense of deeper connection with your inner self which elevates confidence.
5. Allowing fear to dictate your choices
Fear can be a powerful emotion that holds us back from taking risks or doing things we want to do. While it's important to recognize potential dangers and challenges, allowing fear to dictate your choices will not help you build your confidence.
Start by naming the fears that are preventing you from moving forward. Whenever you feel scared of something, take a step back and assess the situation. Are there any steps you can take to make the activity less daunting?
Once you identify your fears, you can start taking small steps toward challenging them and developing a sense of confidence in yourself.
6. Not taking care of yourself
Self-care is an essential part of building self-confidence. If you don't take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, you won't be able to perform at your best.
Start by taking small steps such as getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, and exercising regularly. Make time for activities that bring you joy such as reading or spending time with friends and family. Also, practice self-care by doing things like taking a relaxing bath or journaling. Taking care of yourself will help you feel more energized and positive and will contribute to developing your confidence.
7. Not asking for help
Asking for help is often seen as a sign of weakness, but it takes strength to recognize when you need assistance. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help or advice if you feel like you don’t have the skills or knowledge to complete a task on your own. Being able to ask for help will also show others how confident and self-assured you are.
8. Not celebrating small wins and achievements
It's easy to overlook small wins and achievements but celebrating them is key to build self-confidence. Celebrate small victories along the way and remember how far you’ve come. Not only will it help you in terms of motivation, but as Tony Robbin is known to say, recognizing your successes will remind you that you are capable of achieving great things.
Take the time to recognize your accomplishments, no matter how small they may be. This could be anything from completing a task at work to taking the first step in something you’ve been putting off for a while. Acknowledge your hard work and give yourself credit for all that you have achieved. Self-recognition will make you feel more confident about your abilities and will motivate you to keep going.
9. Setting unrealistic expectations of yourself
Setting unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and will ultimately lower your confidence. It is important to be mindful of the goals you set for yourself and make sure they are attainable.
Start by breaking down your goals into manageable chunks and celebrate the successes and goals you have achieved. It’s so easy to achieve a goal and then move onto the next one without taking the time to acknowledge yourself for the win. It’s a vicious cycle when nothing you do feels like it’s enough.
And if there are hitches along the way, remind yourself that it’s ok to make mistakes. There is no failure… only learning. Use any perceived failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.
10. Obsessing over past mistakes or failures
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of obsessing over past mistakes. Constantly ruminating over mistakes or failures can make it difficult for you to move forward and eat away at your confidence.
Whenever you feel like you are stuck in a loop of negative thinking, regret, or obsessing, remind yourself that mistakes are part of the learning process and take the time to focus on your accomplishments instead.
Not only will this help boost your confidence, but it will also help you break free from the cycle of obsessing over past failures. Having compassion for yourself is powerful.
Most people show kindness and compassion towards others, yet they often treat themselves with harshness and criticism.
Rather than beating yourself up for perceived failures or shortcomings, try to be kind and forgiving toward yourself.
Confidence is key to success!
To to find out more about confidence, visit my You my blog to find out the 21 Things Confident People NEVER Do.
And Download my free guide “The 1 Hack to Self Sabotage” to find out more about how you can build your confidence and begin to live your life to find out how you can be empowered to be the most confident version of yourself! The same 10 habits that destroy your confidence are all forms of self-sabotage.
If you need help building confidence, sign up for a free consultation to boost your confidence!
Visit my website for more info!
Jacqueline Neuwirth, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jacqueline Neuwirth is an experienced Certified Life and Relationship Coach, CPP and Master Certified Neurolinguistic Programming Expert, MNLP. She supports clients in the full spectrum of love and relationship coaching including dating and finding love, healing from a breakup or heartache, navigating an existing relationship or deciding to stay or leave. Jacqueline is helps her clients foster confidence, self-esteem, and build communication skills which assist clients in all aspects of life, including family, career and friendships. Combining a holistic and strategic approach, Jacqueline helps people transform fear, confusion and anxiety into love, freedom, and success.
Her coaching incorporates a lifelong study of both Eastern and Western philosophy plus her ten year journey of working one-on-one with a Zen monk. To assist her clients, she incorporates Attachment Theory, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Non-Violent Communication, Shamanic Studies and the Law of Attraction Principles. In addition, she brings in knowledge from a host of amazing teachers including Eckhart Tolle, Joe Dispenza, Bruce Lipton, Thich Nhat Hahn, Brené Brown, Esther Perel, Michael Singer, John Gottman, Helen Fisher and many more.
Jacqueline draws on her history as an award-winning entrepreneur, and previous owner of a 25-year career as a designer and art director working for Fortune 500 companies, along with a successful career as an exhibiting fine art oil painter with gallery representation across the US. She is also a mom, friend, sister, and inspired by all things related to personal development and finding joy, easy and flow in life!
If you are ready to make lasting change, visit her website and sign up for a free consultation at www.jacquelineneuwirth.com
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